There is something special about standing in front of Mark Twain’s boyhood home in Hannibal, Missouri, and thinking about the stories that began there. I have long loved Twain’s books. I have been fascinated by his life, his adventures on American rivers and across the country, and his travels overseas. But of all his books, "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" remains my favorite. As I reflected on the book while standing in Hannibal, it occurred to me that Twain had something important to say about a subject that matters enormously today: how we live with the people around us. Twain was writing about a small Missouri river town in the 1840s, drawing on the people and experiences of his own childhood. His world was different from ours, but the human desires at the heart of his stories have hardly changed. Children still want to belong. People still want to be noticed. We still depend on friendships, shared experiences, and the kindness of others. Perhaps we can learn a f...

One of the most important lessons I have learned from years of teaching about neighboring is that being surrounded by people is not the same as being connected to them. We can live in a crowded neighborhood, attend a large church, work in a busy office, and participate in community activities while still feeling invisible. But what happens when that invisibility is connected to our ethnicity, cultural background, language, or the feeling that we simply don't fit in? That is the important question Prasanta Verma explores in Beyond Ethnic Loneliness: The Pain of Marginalization and the Path to Belonging . This is a thoughtful and challenging book about a particular form of loneliness that doesn't always receive much attention. While most conversations about loneliness focus on the absence of relationships, Verma helps readers recognize that loneliness can also develop when people are physically included but don't feel fully accepted, understood, or valued. That distinction is...

Susan Pinker’s book, The Village Effect , makes a compelling case for something central to my work with University of Missouri Extension and Missouri Good Neighbor Week: our relationships with other people are not simply a social luxury. They are an important part of our health and well-being. Pinker, a developmental psychologist, draws on research in neuroscience, psychology, and sociology to explain how face-to-face interactions—from close friendships to everyday encounters with acquaintances and neighbors—can influence how long we live, how happy we feel, and how well we cope with life’s challenges. Six health benefits of being a connected neighbor 1. A longer life Pinker highlights research linking strong social relationships and frequent in-person interaction with greater longevity. The people around us can influence our survival through emotional support, practical help, and encouragement to care for ourselves. Her book explores how longevity is partly a team effort. 2....

  What do block parties, butterfly gardens, backyard ice rinks and front-yard picnic tables have in common? In one Grand Rapids, Michigan, neighborhood, they are all part of the simple but powerful practice of being good neighbors. And they are part of the story Pastor Amy Schenkel will share as an upcoming guest of Neighboring 101 , a national learning series hosted by University of Missouri Extension. Schenkel was born in Grand Rapids and has spent her entire life in the city. She and her husband raised their family in the same home where they still live. Over the years, their city block has become more than a collection of houses. It has become a caring community where neighbors know one another, spend time together and create opportunities for connection. Their neighborhood has discovered something important: Belonging doesn't happen by accident. It grows when people intentionally make room for one another. Sometimes that looks like a block party. Other times, it is a butterfly...

The sun is rising. Otis and I are out for our morning walk. He’s 11 years old, and for 10½ years, we’ve walked two miles a day at least 350 days a year. Do the math. That is at least  7,350 miles together. Not bad for a little 10-pound dog! Of course, we haven’t covered those miles in a straight line. Our route meanders back and forth along sidewalks and trails. And about 15 times per walk, Otis finds a shrub that requires his immediate attention. That’s roughly 55,000 stops over the years. And after each one, he scratches the grass as if he’s completing some important landscaping project. Watching Otis, I’ve realized there are some pretty good life lessons in our walks. 1. Consistency matters more than intensity. We didn’t set out to walk 7,350 miles. We just went for a walk today, then again tomorrow. Small, repeated actions add up to something remarkable. Relationships, friendships, and community are built the same way. 2. Don’t be so focused on the destination that...

I saw a social media post recently that made me stop and think: “Your small town isn’t going to improve because you complained about it in a Facebook group filled with 6,000 other people who also refuse to get involved.” Ouch.  There is a little truth in that statement, isn’t there? We complain about the lack of things to do. We complain that downtown is struggling, that community events are poorly attended, that nobody seems to care anymore, and that our neighbors keep to themselves. We lament that our town isn’t what it used to be. We scroll through Facebook, add our own commentary, and perhaps feel a little better because we have found other people who share our frustrations. But what if the problem isn’t just that our communities have shortcomings? What if part of the problem is that we have forgotten our own responsibility for making them better? It’s easy to identify what is wrong with a community. It’s harder to take responsibility for improving it. We want ...