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The Hidden Cost of Loneliness: How Disconnection Is Destroying Trust in Our Communities

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Loneliness is more than a personal health concern. It is quietly weakening the trust, relationships, and sense of belonging that hold our communities together. Many years ago, my wife and I had a friend who came home to discover that her husband had died on their front porch. Their home was located along a busy street. Cars passed by regularly, and people walked through the neighborhood. We have often wondered how many people might have seen him lying there without stopping to investigate or offer help. We will never know the answer. Perhaps nobody noticed. Perhaps someone saw him but did not recognize that something was wrong. But the experience has stayed with me because it raises an uncomfortable question: Have we become so disconnected from the people around us that we no longer notice when they need us? I believe that question points to one of the most serious challenges facing American communities today. We talk frequently about loneliness. We hear about its impact on mental heal...
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From Michigan to Missouri: Bringing the Power of Neighboring to Your Community in 2027

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  Every once in a while, something pops up in my Facebook memories that makes me smile. Today, it was a letter of recommendation from the Michigan Municipal League following a keynote presentation I delivered at its annual convention on Mackinac Island in September 2024. The letter reminded me of a wonderful experience sharing the importance of neighboring with municipal leaders who were interested in building stronger, more connected communities. The event planner wrote that my presentation exceeded expectations and was engaging, interactive, and practical. She also shared this feedback from one of the attendees: "The session on 'Neighboring' was insightful. He provided examples of how municipalities can focus on customer service. Something that resonated with me was how we can treat constituents like our next-door neighbors." I especially appreciated that comment because it captures something I believe deeply: Neighboring is not just about the people who live next d...
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The Epidemic of Loneliness in America: Key Lessons from "The Lonely American"

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  In their insightful work The Lonely American , Jacqueline Olds and Richard Schwartz delve into a pressing issue of modern society: the growing epidemic of loneliness. Their analysis examines the cultural, psychological, and societal forces that drive isolation, the ripple effects of loneliness, and actionable steps to counteract its spread.  This essay highlights the core themes and findings from their discussion on December 16, 2024, as part of Neighboring 101. Understanding Loneliness Olds and Schwartz reveal that loneliness is not merely an emotional state but a societal problem with far-reaching consequences. Drawing from research and anecdotal evidence, they discuss how social isolation has increased dramatically over recent decades. For instance, a survey conducted in 1985 found that only 10% of Americans reported having no confidants, but by 2004, this number had jumped to 25%. Furthermore, the average number of close confidants fell from three to two during the same ...
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Missouri Good Neighbor Week: A Business Opportunity

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Missouri Good Neighbor Week is not simply a community celebration, it is an opportunity for Main Street businesses to strengthen the relationships that make a rural town a place where people want to live, shop, work, and invest. I was recently challenged to create an elevator speech for businesses considering a partnership with Missouri Good Neighbor Week. An  elevator speech is designed for a face-to-face conversation and it should take about 60 seconds, or less. Missouri Good Neighbor Week: A Business Opportunity Businesses on Main Street do more than sell products and services. They help create the kind of community people are proud to call home. That’s the idea behind Missouri Good Neighbor Week (Sept. 28 - Oct. 4).  We’re working to make being a good (or engaged) neighbor a normal part of life in Missouri that is recognized and celebrated. Why should your business get involved? Because strong neighborhoods create stronger communities, and strong communities are go...
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What Mark Twain's Tom Sawyer Teaches Us About Being a Good Neighbor

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  There is something special about standing in front of Mark Twain’s boyhood home in Hannibal, Missouri, and thinking about the stories that began there. I have long loved Twain’s books. I have been fascinated by his life, his adventures on American rivers and across the country, and his travels overseas. But of all his books, "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" remains my favorite. As I reflected on the book while standing in Hannibal, it occurred to me that Twain had something important to say about a subject that matters enormously today: how we live with the people around us. Twain was writing about a small Missouri river town in the 1840s, drawing on the people and experiences of his own childhood. His world was different from ours, but the human desires at the heart of his stories have hardly changed. Children still want to belong. People still want to be noticed. We still depend on friendships, shared experiences, and the kindness of others. Perhaps we can learn a f...
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Book Review: Beyond Ethnic Loneliness: The Difference Between Being Included and Belonging

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One of the most important lessons I have learned from years of teaching about neighboring is that being surrounded by people is not the same as being connected to them. We can live in a crowded neighborhood, attend a large church, work in a busy office, and participate in community activities while still feeling invisible. But what happens when that invisibility is connected to our ethnicity, cultural background, language, or the feeling that we simply don't fit in? That is the important question Prasanta Verma explores in Beyond Ethnic Loneliness: The Pain of Marginalization and the Path to Belonging . This is a thoughtful and challenging book about a particular form of loneliness that doesn't always receive much attention. While most conversations about loneliness focus on the absence of relationships, Verma helps readers recognize that loneliness can also develop when people are physically included but don't feel fully accepted, understood, or valued. That distinction is...
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