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Why America’s Obsession With “Bad Neighbors” Misses the Bigger Story

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As a longtime community development professional and the founder of Missouri Good Neighbor Week, I’ve spent more than two decades working with neighborhoods across Missouri—urban, suburban, and rural. That’s why, when I recently watched the trailer for HBO’s new series focused on neighbor conflict premiering February 13, I had a strong reaction. Not because conflict between neighbors doesn’t exist—it absolutely does—but because what we choose to spotlight says something important about who we are becoming as a society. Conflict Makes for Good TV—But a Poor Civic Diet Television thrives on tension. Loud arguments, boundary disputes, feuds, and outrage capture attention. That’s not new. What concerns me is how easily these stories become the  dominant narrative  about neighborhood life. Most neighbors are not at war with one another. In fact, my work—and the data we collect statewide—shows the opposite. Every year, tens of thousands of Missourians quietly check on elderly neighb...
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HBO Series "Neighbors" Looks at Bad Examples and That is a Problem

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  When I watched the trailer for HBO’s new series about bad neighbors , I felt a familiar tension. On one hand, I understand our cultural fascination with conflict and disruption — it’s dramatic, it’s sensational, and in media terms it grabs attention.  On the other hand, from the work that I’ve devoted years to (studying neighboring, civic trust, community belonging, and the conditions that make neighborhoods thrive), focusing on the worst of human behavior is  exactly the wrong lever  if our goal is healthy, connected communities. Here’s why I think that emphasis is destructive: What we focus on grows.  There’s a psychological and cultural feedback loop: when we celebrate the negative or elevate it to entertainment, we inadvertently normalize it. People see the most extreme behavior and think that’s what “neighbors” are like — not just a few bad apples, but representative of everyday life. That corrodes trust and increases social distance, exactly the opposite...
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Book Review: Neighborhood Mission Trips for Everyday Christians

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  Neighborhood Mission Trips for Everyday Christians , reimagines the mission trip not as a distant excursion but as a walk across the street. It’s a book for ordinary Christians who want to live missionally, starting in their neighborhood.  This book is a practical, devotional-style guide that empowers Christians to see their own neighborhood as a meaningful mission field. Written for individuals, small groups, and churches seeking to reimagine outreach, this book brings the structure of a short-term mission trip into everyday life—without passports or plane tickets. Combining Scripture, personal stories, devotionals, and practical guides, this book equips individuals and churches to cultivate deeper relationships, overcome social isolation, and love their literal neighbors in tangible ways. This is not a theological treatise or a feel-good collection of ideas. It’s a blueprint. Readers are walked through a week-long neighborhood mission trip complete with daily themes, ...
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Why Mattering Might Be the Missing Ingredient in Strong Neighborhoods

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If you asked most people what they want out of life, you’d hear answers like happiness, success, security, or maybe purpose. But underneath all of those is something simpler and more powerful:  "We want to know we matter." Not in a spotlight way.  Not in a fame or status way. But in a deeply human way. We want to know that someone would notice if we were gone. That our presence makes a difference. That our lives ripple outward in ways that help others. Recently, conversations sparked by "Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose" by Jennifer Breheny Wallace have helped bring this idea into the mainstream. But if you work in community development, neighboring, or local civic life, you probably recognize something important: We have been seeing the effects of mattering — or the absence of it — in neighborhoods for years. Because here’s the truth: For many people, the place where they are most likely to experience mattering is not at work. Not onli...
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Book Review: "Mattering" is a Timely Exploration an Overlooked Human Need

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"Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose" is a timely and deeply meaningful exploration of one of the most overlooked human needs: the need to feel that we matter. Jennifer Breheny Wallace offers readers a compelling blend of research, storytelling, and practical insight that speaks directly to the quiet ache many people carry—the desire to know they are seen, valued, and needed. The idea of mattering is especially relevant to the work I do in communities. Whether I am engaging partners, strengthening neighborhoods, supporting leaders, or serving residents, helping people feel that they matter is at the core of building resilient communities. Wallace’s research also highlights insights I can integrate into my programs, communications, and relationships. At its core, the book argues that mattering is not the same as achievement, popularity, or even success. Instead, mattering is rooted in relationships, contribution, and mutual recognition. Wallace caref...
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Book Review: Fans Have More Friends by Ben Valenta and David Sikorjak

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"Fans Have More Friends" is a refreshing and insightful book that reframes how we think about sports fandom, community, and human connection. With a blend of solid research, engaging storytelling, and practical insights, authors Ben Valenta and David Sikorjak make a compelling case that being part of a fan community isn’t just fun — it’s good for our social lives and overall well-being. From the outset, the book’s central premise feels both surprising and intuitive: that fans tend to have stronger social connections, deeper friendships, and a greater sense of belonging than those who aren’t engaged in fandom. Through extensive surveys, interviews, and personal stories gathered over years of research, Valenta and Sikorjak demonstrate that fandom can act as an antidote to loneliness and social isolation — a particularly resonant message in a world where many people report feeling disconnected. What makes 'Fans Have More Friends" especially compelling is how it bala...
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Team Sports Events Can Contribute to a Stronger, More Supportive Neighborhood and Community

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  Team sports events organized by neighbors can play a significant role in strengthening a community by fostering connection, cooperation, and a sense of belonging.  The ultimate example might be SGF Kickball, which  gained attention beyond Springfield. It was recently selected for the “Best Neighborhood Program” award by Neighborhoods USA. NUSA is a national group that has been celebrating great community programs for over 50 years. Just being named one of the top nominees in the country is a big deal for a volunteer-led program that started as a simple challenge between friends. Other cities with finalist programs in 2025 included Pasadena, California, Waco, Texas, Fort Lauderdale, Florida, St. Louis, Missouri, Monrovia, California, Anna, Texas, El Paso, Texas, Chandler, Arizona, Muncie, Indiana and St. Petersburg, Florida. A Fun Idea That Took Off The idea for SGF Kickball began with two friends—Bobbi Ream and Kevin Evans—talking about how to help their neighborhoods...
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