Neighboring in 2025 Will Require Empathy and Forgiveness

 

Last month I was helping some men in a Springfield neighborhood and the political signs in a yard nearly derailed our service project.

The plan had been to change smoke detector batteries for neighbors who were widows, elderly or sick. The group of men embraced the idea, excited to do something for their neighbors that was helpful. 

We divided into teams and headed off to our assigned addresses. 

The second home my team approached had a yard full of political campaign signs. It caused the man carrying the ladder to stop at the driveway and ask, “Are we sure about this one?”

I assured him it would be fine. We rang the doorbell and went in. Not only was this a widow, but she also had an older disabled son she was looking after following surgery.

We went about our work. She kept a close eye on us as we moved around the house. She mentioned some other needs around the house. And whenever we got close, her son talked about local sports teams.

We finished and left the house. Near the end of the driveway, our doubting team member said, “I wouldn’t mind visiting with them. If you have their contact information I think I’ll come back and help her those other odd jobs.”

I said to myself, “Mission accomplished.”

ISOLATION LEADS TO POLARIZATION

In contemporary America, the narrative of polarization and antagonism has dominated discussions around political and social divisions. 

A closer examination reveals a more complex reality: many Americans are not necessarily divided in their beliefs but are isolated and disoriented in their interactions with one another.

Isolation is a key factor contributing to this perceived polarization. 

With the advent of social media and the decline of local community engagement, individuals often find themselves entrenched in echo chambers, where their views are reinforced rather than challenged. 

This digital isolation can create the illusion of a society deeply divided, as people interact primarily with like-minded individuals online. 

As a result, many Americans may feel more disconnected from their neighbors, leading to misunderstandings and the assumption that opposing views are inherently antagonistic.

Many Americans yearn for meaningful connections and discussions that transcend political boundaries. By creating spaces where individuals can engage with one another directly, we can break down the barriers of isolation.

Your neighborhood is a perfect place to start making those connections.

The notion that Americans are inherently polarized overlooks the deeper issues of isolation and disorientation contributing to our civic virus. 

My advice is that engage with your neighbor, hear their story and be open to finding something about your neighbor that you agree on!

NEIGHBOR EXAMPLES

People enraged about a community issue tend to find many other opportunities to be enraged.

And while rage is addictive, forgiveness is not. Yet one of these pulls poison from your bloodstream while the other is similar to drinking poison.

There are numerous examples in the neighborhoods where I have worked.

One story by Steve Hartman, in his “On the Road” series on CBS tells this story eloquently. Steve introduces us to Mary Johnson, whose son is murdered at a party at age 20. His killer Oshea Israel was sent to prison for 25 years, serving 17.

Then a strange thing happened. When Oshea was released from prison, he moved into the apartment right next door to Mary. He became her neighbor. 

It is not a story of horrible misfortune but of incredible mercy.

“I was befuddled by it all myself,” said Oshea.

Mary had talked to her landlord and convinced them to let Oshea have the apartment next door to her own.

“Unforgiveness is like cancer. It will eat you from the inside out,” said Mary. “It's not about that other person. Me forgiving him does not diminish what he has done. Yes, he murdered my son. But the forgiveness is for me.”

Forgiveness is one of the key elements of the Engaged Neighbor principles and pledge. (See engagedneighbor.com) It is also key to curing our Civic Virus.

CURING THE CIVIC VIRUS

Rich Harwood. President and Founder of The Harwood Institute for Public Innovation is the thought leader who coined the term “civic virus.”

Over 35 years, Rich has developed a philosophy and practice of how communities can tackle shared problems and create a culture of shared responsibility, and deepen our civic faith.

After contentious political campaigns, Rich believes solving our civic problems begins at a neighborhood or community level.

“I think we need more ways for people to come together and demonstrate that we still can be builders in this country. That we can be co-creators in our lives together,” said Hardwood during my April 2024 session of Neighboring 101.

The biggest hurdle, according to Hardwood, may be that the lack of trust in our communities and in our neighborhoods has turned from a lack of trust to mistrust.

“I do hear this from a lot of folks that we make judgments about each other based on the hat we're wearing, or the slogan on our t-shirt before we even know very much about each other. Before we know anything about what they we value we make these quick judgments. We are separating and segregating from each other because of an increased sense of anxiety in our society. The fear of the other in our own neighborhoods,” said Harwood.

We're not helped by a national news media, and political leaders (on both sides) who have decided that it's in their interest to manufacture and intentionally stoke division in our society. To strike fear in us, to divide us from one another, to amplify those divisions. We're all having a natural human response to this. It is not polarization. It's a fight-or-flight response. Many of us either have decided that we've had enough of public life, maybe even enough of neighborhood life, and we've retreated from the public square. 

“If someone tells you, "We are too divided as a nation to come together because we can't agree on what to work on," tell them that's not true. We can come together to work on youth. We could come together to work on mental health, and we could come to work together on safety. We agree on those, and we agree on enough things within those that we can get to work. We don't need to wait any longer,” said Harwood.

HARWOODS PATH FORWARD

“I think the change that we need in the country needs to start in our local neighborhoods. To do that, I think we're going to need to take a different path forward,” said Harwood. 

Harwood suggests these four steps.

1. Turn outward. This means we focus on our shared aspirations that are actionable, doable and achievable.

2. Get in motion. Talk alone is not going to get us where we need to go.

3. Start small to go big. Be intentional to grow and have a chain reaction mindset instead of one big vision plan.

4. We need to focus on creating a new trajectory of hope in our neighborhoods with leaders who see our assets and opportunities.

MORE INFORMATION

Are you interested in taking the Engaged Neighbor pledge? The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge online at http://engagedneighbor.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special privilides and get invited to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton at dburton541@yahoo.com.