Overcoming Loneliness: How Small Acts of Connection Can Transform a Community

 

In a world where people are more digitally connected than ever, loneliness continues to grow as a silent struggle affecting people of all ages. 

Amber Allen, a human development and family science specialist with the University of Missouri Extension, is determined to change that trend. Through her work in human development and social connection, she emphasizes the importance of relationships in overcoming loneliness and building stronger, healthier neighborhoods.

"People hear the word loneliness and think it’s going to be a gray rain cloud," Allen said during a presentation on Neighboring 101 in March of 2021. "But today, I want to talk about how to make the sun shine in your neighborhood by forming real social connections."

Understanding Loneliness and Social Isolation

Allen explained that loneliness and social isolation, though related, are not the same.

"Loneliness is the feeling of being alone, regardless of the amount of social contact," she said. "You can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. On the other hand, social isolation is a lack of social connections, and this can lead to loneliness."

She highlighted a report from the National Academies of Science, Engineering, and Medicine that found over one-third of adults aged 45 and older experience loneliness, and nearly one-fourth of those aged 65 and older are considered socially isolated.

"Older adults face additional risk factors, like living alone, losing family and friends, chronic illness, and even hearing loss," Allen said. "This is something we all need to be aware of in our communities."

She challenged people to think about their own neighborhoods: 

"Do you have a relationship with your neighbors? Have you started the social connection process? If not, she emphasized, now is the time to start," said Allen.

The Health Risks of Loneliness

Loneliness isn’t just an emotional experience—it has serious health consequences.

 "Left untreated, loneliness increases the risk of mental health issues like depression and anxiety, but it also impacts physical health," Allen said. "Studies show that social isolation significantly increases a person’s risk for premature death—at levels comparable to smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity."

She cited research linking loneliness to a 50% increased risk of dementia, higher rates of heart disease and stroke, and even an increased likelihood of suicide. 

"This is where we, as neighbors, can step in and make a difference," Allen urged. "We have the power to help reduce these risks by fostering real relationships with those around us."

How to Build Stronger Social Connections

Allen offered practical ways to combat loneliness through social interaction and support, focusing on two main areas: providing social support and increasing opportunities for social interaction.

1. Providing Social Support

"Neighbors are best suited for certain tasks simply because of proximity," Allen noted. "Maybe someone needs their driveway shoveled, a ride to the grocery store, or just someone to check in on them. That’s where we come in."

She pointed out that in emergencies, neighbors are often the first responders. 

"If the power goes out, do you know which of your neighbors rely on oxygen tanks or have medical conditions that require electricity?" she asked. "Being aware of those needs can be life-saving."

Allen shared a personal story about checking on neighbors before a winter storm.

 "My husband and I made sure that those without social media or easy access to news knew about the potential power outage. Small acts like that can make a huge difference."

2. Increasing Opportunities for Social Interaction

"Engagement doesn’t have to be complicated," Allen explained. "Something as simple as saying hello, asking about someone’s day, or sharing a cup of coffee can create a sense of connection."

She encouraged people to look for opportunities for spontaneous interactions. 

"If you see your neighbor at the grocery store, don’t avoid them by ducking into the next aisle," she joked. "Say hello, ask how they’re doing. Those small moments matter."

Neighborhood activities, she noted, are another great way to build relationships.

 "Attend community events, join a local club, or even start a small gathering in your own front yard. If there’s a park nearby, go spend time there—you never know who you might meet."

Steps to Building Positive Neighbor Relationships

Building strong relationships in a neighborhood doesn’t happen overnight. Allen outlined key steps to fostering meaningful connections:

1. Build relationships one at a time. "There are no shortcuts," she said. "Sending a holiday card is nice, but it’s no substitute for real, face-to-face conversations."

2. Be friendly and make a connection. "A smile, a wave, or a simple ‘hello’ can go a long way," Allen explained. "Find something you have in common and build on that."

3. Ask questions. "People love talking about themselves," she noted. "Ask about their favorite restaurants, their pets, or where they grew up. These little details build a foundation for friendship."

4. Share about yourself. "If you’re asking personal questions, be ready to share, too. Trust goes both ways."

5. Get involved. "Go to neighborhood events, volunteer, or even just sit outside more often. Being visible helps make connections happen naturally."

Sustaining Neighborly Relationships

Once relationships are built, Allen emphasized the importance of maintaining them. "You don’t just check a box and move on," she said. "Sustaining relationships takes effort."

She suggested:

• Paying attention to people. "Remember details about their lives. If they mentioned their grandson was visiting, ask how it went."
• Communicating openly. "If a problem arises, address it respectfully and directly rather than letting resentment build."
• Showing appreciation. "A simple ‘thank you’ goes a long way."
• Extending yourself. "Offer to help when you see a need. It could be as simple as carrying in groceries or lending a tool."
• Backing each other up. "When tough times hit—whether it’s a natural disaster, a family emergency, or even just needing a cup of sugar—be there for each other."

The Power of Persistence

Allen acknowledged that not every neighbor will be immediately receptive to connection. 

"Some people are naturally reserved, or they may have had past experiences that make them hesitant to engage," she said. "But persistence pays off."

She shared a story about a neighbor who initially only gave brief waves. 

"After about a year and a half of little interactions, one day he came outside while I was shoveling snow and talked for 20 minutes. He just needed time to warm up," said Allen.

Final Thoughts: Be the Neighbor You Want to Have

"If you want a friendly, connected neighborhood, it starts with you," Allen said. "Be the neighbor you wish you had."

She encouraged people to start small. "Write down a neighbor’s birthday and send them a card. Bring an extra plate of cookies next time you bake. Just look for little ways to show you care."

In the end, Allen’s message was clear: loneliness is a serious issue, but small, intentional acts of kindness and connection can make a world of difference. "We all have the power to bring a little sunshine into someone’s life," she said. "And when we do, we make our communities stronger, healthier, and happier places to live."

 

Written by David L. Burton

MORE INFORMATION

Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com or visit his website at http://engagedneighbor.com.