How We Treat Our Neighbors Has Changed, But It Doesn’t Have to Stay That Way

 

Many Americans have noticed that relationships with neighbors aren’t what they used to be 20 or 30 years ago.

A study from Harvard Medical School shows that 50 years ago, people talked about being neighbors in terms of friendships. Today, we tend to focus on good manners instead, like being quiet or keeping to ourselves.

"People have all kinds of ideas about why this has changed," said David Burton, a community development specialist with University of Missouri Extension. "They blame things like fenced yards, fewer front porches, indoor entertainment, garage doors, or air conditioning. But the truth is, it really comes down to the choices each of us makes."

Over the past 10 years, researchers have identified four main reasons why many people don’t connect with their neighbors like they used to: loneliness, busyness, a retreat mindset, and too much focus on entertainment.

Loneliness can make people avoid others.
"It might sound strange, but when people are lonely, they often don’t feel like talking to others or going out. Right now, America is facing a loneliness epidemic," said Burton.

Busyness is another big issue.
"People love to say how busy they are," Burton said. "We overfill our schedules, sign our kids up for too many activities, and leave no time to talk with neighbors."

The retreat mindset is when people treat their home like a private hideout.
"I often hear people say, ‘I just want to go home and relax’ or ‘My home is my escape, and I don’t want to be bothered.’ That’s fine sometimes, but using your home to shut others out isn’t healthy,” Burton explained.

Entertainment focus is the fourth challenge.
“We buy big TVs, stream shows, and play video games until we go to bed. The average American watches over three hours of TV a day. That doesn’t leave much time for neighbors,” he said.

According to Burton, no city, county, or neighborhood group can fix this for us. It’s up to each of us to make a change. If we continue to ignore the people around us, we risk losing our sense of community—and our physical and emotional health may suffer too.

“Now that you know what’s holding us back, it’s time to take small steps,” said Burton. “Try being outside more. Smile and say hello to people you see. And most importantly, learn and use your neighbors’ names. That’s where it all begins.”

Being a good neighbor helps everyone. It can make you healthier, reduce crime, ease loneliness, and make your whole neighborhood better.

University of Missouri Extension is helping lead a national effort to bring back the importance of neighboring. Programs like Neighboring 101 and Becoming an Engaged Neighbor, along with two annual events, are helping raise awareness and encourage people to connect with others nearby.

To learn more about the Engaged Neighbor program, visit https://extension.missouri.edu, email David Burton at burtond@missouri.edu.

Written by David L. Burton

MORE INFORMATION

Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com or visit his website at http://engagedneighbor.com.

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