How Being Curious Can Help Us Be Better Neighbors

Being a good neighbor is not always easy. Sometimes we have different opinions, habits, or lifestyles than the people who live around us. But if we approach our neighbors with curiosity and respect, we can build stronger and friendlier communities. The six strategies listed in the “Be Curious” guide from the Leadership Springfield Impact Retreat give us helpful tools to improve our neighbor relationships.

1. Be an active listener.
When talking with a neighbor, it’s easy to get distracted or think about what we want to say next. But active listening means giving someone our full attention. We don’t interrupt or let our minds wander. We listen closely to understand their thoughts and feelings. This makes our neighbors feel heard and valued. Even if we don’t agree, we show respect by listening.

2. Assume positive intent.
Sometimes, a neighbor might do something that annoys us—like play loud music or leave trash out. It’s easy to assume they’re being rude. But what if we assumed they didn’t mean any harm? Maybe they didn’t realize the music was that loud, or they forgot to take the trash out. When we believe that others are doing their best, it helps us approach situations calmly and kindly.

3. Find common ground.
Even when we disagree, we can usually find something we have in common. Maybe you and your neighbor both care about keeping the neighborhood safe, or you both enjoy gardening. When we focus on shared interests instead of differences, we create a sense of “us” rather than “me versus them.” This builds connection and trust.

4. Separate people from positions.
A position is what someone believes or wants. But that’s not the same as who they are. Maybe a neighbor is upset about a new fence going up, and you think it’s a great idea. Instead of judging them for their opinion, try to understand the reason behind it. Focus on the issue, not the person. This helps keep the conversation respectful and open.

5. Use structured evaluation criteria.
This strategy is useful when neighbors are trying to make decisions together—like planning a block party or deciding how to maintain shared property. Instead of just going with whoever talks the loudest, use clear rules or criteria. For example, vote on ideas or make a checklist of pros and cons. This helps everyone feel the process is fair.

6. Assume they’re right.
This one might sound strange at first. Why would we assume someone else is right, especially if we disagree? But doing so helps us understand their view more clearly. It doesn’t mean we give up our own opinions—it just means we pause and try to see the world from their side. This builds empathy, which is key to strong relationships.

In the end, practicing curiosity with our neighbors helps build a better place to live. When we listen, assume the best, find common ground, and stay focused on understanding, we turn small conversations into opportunities for connection. A little curiosity can go a long way in turning strangers into friends.

Written by David L. Burton

MORE INFORMATION

Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com or visit his website at http://engagedneighbor.com.