The Art of Being Unoffendable: A Key to Better Neighboring

“I hope this doesn’t offend you, but…”

If you’ve ever heard that phrase, you know exactly what’s coming: something that absolutely will offend you. And if you’ve ever said it, well, join the club. 

We live in an age where offense is currency. Social media thrives on outrage, and entire relationships—especially with neighbors—can unravel over barking dogs, property lines, or the nerve of someone painting their fence that color.

But what if the biggest barrier to loving our neighbors isn’t them—it’s us?

Author Brant Hansen explores that idea in his powerful book Unoffendable. His core argument is both simple and countercultural: we should give up our “right” to be offended. Why? Because holding on to offense—real or imagined—poisons our relationships and robs us of peace.

Think about your neighborhood. 

Is there someone who parks too close to your driveway? Leaves their trash can out too long? Walks their dog past your house like they own the block? Our natural response is often indignation. But Hansen challenges us to choose humility over outrage, to lay down our egos and pick up grace.

That’s not weakness. It’s wisdom. When we insist on being right, being heard, and being respected, we create distance. When we choose to assume the best and respond with kindness, we build bridges.

In Unoffendable, Hansen writes, “You can’t be grateful and bitter at the same time. You have to choose.” 

Imagine how different our neighborhoods would feel if we chose gratitude over bitterness. If we let small slights go. If we gave people the benefit of the doubt instead of writing them off.

This doesn’t mean we ignore harmful behavior or pretend everything is fine. But it does mean we stop treating every disagreement like a moral battle. 

Hansen reminds us that we are not the judge, and that embracing humility allows us to love people who are messy, imperfect, and occasionally irritating. (Which, last time I checked, includes all of us.)

So next time a neighbor says something awkward, or does something annoying, consider it an opportunity. Not to fire back, but to be unoffendable. To show grace. To be the kind of neighbor who makes peace, not drama.

Because in the end, your street doesn’t need another opinion. It needs another peacemaker. And that starts with you.

Written by David L. Burton

MORE INFORMATION

Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via emal at dburton541@yahoo.com.