Proximity vs. Affinity: Why Neighborhood Bonds Are Eroding

 

For much of human history, relationships were shaped by proximity. Neighbors were not just people who lived nearby—they were allies, trading partners, babysitters, emergency helpers, and lifelong friends. 

In today’s world, however, relationships based on proximity have steadily been replaced by those based on affinity. We now form friendships primarily through hobbies, professional networks, or online communities of shared interests. 

While affinity-based connections can be meaningful, this shift comes with a serious cost: we are neglecting those who live next door.

One of the primary problems with this trend is the loss of local trust and mutual support. In the past, neighbors often looked out for one another, whether by sharing tools, watching children, or checking in during crises. 

When relationships are chosen solely through affinity, neighbors become strangers. This weakens the “social safety net” closest to home, leaving individuals more vulnerable during emergencies and communities less resilient to challenges such as natural disasters or public health crises.

The decline of proximity-based relationships also erodes a vital sense of belonging. Online groups and hobby-based friendships are rewarding, but they rarely provide the everyday comfort of a familiar wave across the fence or a casual conversation in the driveway. 

Knowing the people who surround us creates a daily rhythm of recognition that affirms our place in the world. Without this, isolation grows, even in neighborhoods full of people. The irony is that someone may have hundreds of digital “friends” but still feel deeply lonely in their own subdivision.

In addition, prioritizing affinity over proximity deepens social divisions. 

Affinity groups often cluster around shared ideologies, income levels, or lifestyles. Neighbors, by contrast, represent natural diversity—different ages, political views, and cultural backgrounds living side by side. 

When we build friendships only with people like us, we lose opportunities to develop empathy across differences. Proximity-based connections can bridge divides in ways affinity groups rarely can. 

A shared neighborhood cookout or driveway conversation has the power to humanize someone with opposing views, fostering civic health and reducing polarization.

Finally, neglecting neighborhood bonds impoverishes community life. 

Civic engagement, from voter turnout to local volunteering, is stronger when neighbors know and trust each other. When neighborhoods are reduced to clusters of isolated homes, communities lose the grassroots energy that makes them vibrant and resilient.

In short, affinity-based friendships are not the problem—ignoring proximity-based ones is. Reclaiming the art of neighboring means rebuilding trust, belonging, and civic strength right where we live. Our communities depend on it.

Written by David L. Burton

MORE INFORMATION

Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com or burtond@missouri.edu. You can also visit his website at https://engagedneighbor.com.