The Door Out of the Dungeon of Self

In our age of relentless self-focus — self-care, self-expression, self-improvement — George MacDonald’s words cut through with a clarifying force: “Love of our neighbor is the only door out of the dungeon of self.” The metaphor is stark and deliberate. 

The self, left unchecked, is not a palace of freedom or enlightenment. It’s a dungeon — isolating, dark, and constrictive. And the only escape? Love turned outward.

Modern culture often sells the idea that the key to happiness lies within — in discovering and mastering the self. We’re urged to look inward for peace, to build our “best lives” with curated experiences and personal growth. But if we spend too long peering into our own reflection, we risk becoming prisoners of it. 

Obsession with the self narrows our view until the needs and lives of others become hazy, peripheral at best.

MacDonald, a 19th-century Scottish writer and theologian, saw clearly what many of us miss: that real liberation begins when we turn our attention away from ourselves and toward others. Loving our neighbor — genuinely, sacrificially — cracks open the walls of our internal prison. It redirects the endless loop of ego into something more expansive, more human.

This love isn’t sentimental. It’s not about liking someone or agreeing with them. It’s active. It’s listening when it’s inconvenient, showing up when it’s uncomfortable, and extending compassion when it’s undeserved. To love others well is to be inconvenienced for their sake. And in that very inconvenience lies the path to freedom — because in serving another, we forget ourselves, if only for a moment. In that forgetting, we remember what it is to belong to something bigger.

MacDonald was not naive. He knew the self doesn’t surrender easily. The dungeon can feel familiar, even safe. Loving our neighbor — especially the difficult ones — feels risky. But that’s precisely why it saves us. It shifts the story from “me” to “us,” from isolation to communion.

If the self is a dungeon, then each act of kindness, each word of encouragement, each quiet act of care is a step toward the door. The irony is that in giving ourselves away, we find ourselves more fully. Love — outward, unguarded, and real — is not just the key. It is the door.

Written by David L. Burton

MORE INFORMATION

Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com or burtond@missouri.edu. You can also visit his website at https://engagedneighbor.com.