The State of Neighboring in Missouri: Turning Politeness into Connection

If you want to understand what life feels like in modern Missouri neighborhoods, the data tell an interesting story. We’re friendly—but distant. Helpful—but busy. Curious—but cautious.

The State of Neighboring in Missouri surveys conducted by University of Missouri Extension in 2022 and 2024 reveal a culture caught between our desire for connection and our instinct for privacy. It’s a portrait of a state that waves from the driveway but hesitates to walk across the street.

We’re Friendly, But We Stop at the Fence

The good news is that casual friendliness is alive and well. Two-thirds of Missourians (67%) say they greet their neighbors regularly, up from 59% in 2022. Those quick waves and friendly hellos are small but important signs that people still notice one another.

But when it comes to deeper engagement—sharing meals, inviting neighbors into our homes, or planning joint activities—the numbers decline sharply. The surveys show that Missourians are maintaining polite distance rather than building enduring relationships. We are connected enough to recognize faces but not close enough to know names.

Trust Still Matters

Despite this social drift, Missourians haven’t lost their sense of responsibility toward one another. Eight out of ten respondents reported doing at least one favor for a neighbor during the past year, and 60% said they have at least one trusted neighbor they could rely on in an emergency. Those numbers prove that the foundation of goodwill still exists; it just needs reinforcement.

The surveys also found that acts of help—even small ones—tend to build a cycle of mutual trust. When people check on an elderly neighbor, lend a tool, or share a meal, they often find those gestures returned later in ways that strengthen the whole block. In other words, trust doesn’t just appear—it grows through consistent interaction.

Privacy Is the New Virtue

When asked what makes a “good neighbor,” the most common answer wasn’t friendliness, helpfulness, or generosity. It was respect for privacy. Seventy-two percent of Missourians said the best neighbors are the ones who leave them alone.

That finding highlights one of the deepest cultural shifts of our time. For generations, neighbors were defined by interaction; today, we define them by restraint. It’s a shift that mirrors broader American trends toward individualism, longer work hours, and the isolating effects of technology.

Still, it’s worth asking: has our emphasis on privacy come at the expense of community? The data suggest that while people value solitude, they also long for connection. The challenge is finding a healthy balance between the two.

A Tale of Two Neighbor Types

The survey data suggest two distinct neighbor profiles emerging across Missouri.

The first group values respectful coexistence. They believe being a good neighbor means keeping peace, maintaining property, and staying out of others’ business. Their motto could be summed up as “Good fences make good neighbors.”

The second group emphasizes active engagement. They see neighboring as a form of community care—helping when needed, hosting gatherings, and creating shared experiences. Their motto might be “Good neighbors make good communities.”

Neither group is wrong; both represent authentic values. But the long-term health of our neighborhoods may depend on more people moving from the first category to the second.

The Meaning of “Love Your Neighbor”

The 2024 survey included an open-ended question: What does it mean to love your neighbor? The responses were revealing. Of the 2,000 participants, about 80% offered thoughtful answers that fell into five broad themes.

1. Kindness and Respect – The most common response equated love with everyday courtesy and fairness.
2. Empathy and Assistance – Many emphasized helping in times of need—checking in, lending a hand, or simply listening.
3. The Golden Rule – “Treat others as you want to be treated” appeared again and again, echoing timeless moral wisdom.
4. Community and Connection – Some described love as creating belonging—making sure no one feels isolated or invisible.
5. Boundaries and Privacy – Others reminded us that love can also mean respecting personal space.

Interestingly, 8% of respondents used their answer to express frustration or even hostility toward their neighbors—proof that not every relationship is easy. But taken together, the responses show that most Missourians understand love of neighbor as a mix of kindness, respect, and practical care. The challenge is turning that understanding into everyday practice.

Barriers to Engagement

Why don’t more people take the next step toward connection? The surveys point to familiar barriers: time pressures, safety concerns, and simple uncertainty about how to begin. Many people want stronger community ties but don’t know where to start—or assume others aren’t interested.

Technology also plays a complicated role. Online neighborhood apps and social media can connect residents, but they can also replace face-to-face interaction with digital chatter. The healthiest neighborhoods use technology as a tool, not a substitute, for real-world connection.

Lessons for Communities

The studies suggest practical ways communities can nurture deeper ties:

• Start Small. Encourage neighbors to learn the names of the people living around them. That single act dramatically increases the likelihood of future cooperation.
• Create Shared Moments. Block parties, yard sales, and volunteer projects build trust by putting people side by side with a common goal.
• Design for Interaction. Neighborhoods with front porches, sidewalks, and shared spaces naturally generate more engagement.
• Honor Differences. Cultural and generational preferences shape how people connect. Offering a mix of events—from cookouts to quiet service projects—invites everyone in.
• Model Neighboring. Local governments, churches, and civic organizations can demonstrate connection by partnering on neighborhood-level initiatives.

These efforts don’t require massive funding—just intentionality. When one block models connection, others take notice.

Why It Matters

The health of a neighborhood affects more than property values. Research consistently links strong neighbor relationships to lower crime, greater resilience during emergencies, and improved mental and physical health. In short, knowing your neighbors isn’t just nice—it’s essential.

And yet, the surveys show that loneliness and isolation continue to grow even in small towns and suburbs where friendliness is expected. The cure isn’t complicated; it starts with presence, not programs.

If every Missourian simply reached out to one neighbor—learned a name, offered a hand, or shared a meal—the statewide numbers would change overnight. But more importantly, the culture would begin to turn.

From Polite to Engaged

The overall lesson from the State of Neighboring study is simple but profound: we don’t need to become friendlier; we need to become more engaged. Politeness is good, but it’s not enough. Waving is a start, but connection takes conversation.

Neighboring isn’t about being nosy or intrusive—it’s about being available and dependable. It’s about the quiet assurance that someone nearby cares enough to notice.

Missouri’s data tell us that people want stronger communities. The opportunity now is to turn that desire into daily practice—to move from polite to engaged, from waving to walking across the street.

Because at the end of the day, loving your neighbor isn’t a grand gesture. It’s a thousand small ones—each one powerful enough to ripple across a street, a town, and eventually, a state.

Written by David L. Burton

MORE INFORMATION

Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com or burtond@missouri.edu. You can also visit his website at https://engagedneighbor.com.