We Are Where We Live: A Serious (and Slightly Funny) Look at Civic Relationships

Jeff Siegler’s observation that “we are all in a civic relationship whether we know it or not” might sound like something your overly enthusiastic town planner would say at a community meeting—right before showing 70 slides of new curb designs. 

But behind the earnest urbanist energy is a profound truth: our environments don’t just surround us—they shape us.

Think about it. If you live in a charming neighborhood with shady trees, lively sidewalks, and the occasional dog-wearing-sunglasses situation, chances are you feel a little more hopeful, a little more connected. You may even smile at strangers (a dangerous habit in some cities). 

Now imagine living in a town where your main social outlet is yelling at potholes and where the skyline is mostly made up of abandoned strip malls and a particularly hostile Arby’s. You’d feel different. You’d be different.

Siegler’s point is that civic life isn’t optional. Whether we actively participate or not, our towns are in a relationship with us. It’s like being in a marriage where only one partner ever does the dishes—and let’s face it, that marriage isn’t going to last. If we don’t tend to our cities, they will, like neglected relationships, start to rot. Broken sidewalks become broken spirits. 

A lack of public spaces leads to a lack of public trust. And despair, it turns out, can grow in a vacant lot just as easily as weeds.

On the flip side, improving our cities improves us. Investing in beauty, walkability, and shared spaces isn’t just about aesthetics—it’s about mental health, social trust, and even democracy. A mural might not fix your credit score, but it can remind you that someone cared enough to paint something joyful. That matters.

Siegler reminds us that we adapt to our habitat and become our surroundings. That’s equal parts poetic and terrifying. But it’s also empowering. Because if people are the places they call home, then shaping our places is how we shape ourselves—and our communities.

So yes, you’re in a civic relationship. You may not have had a wedding, but you definitely have responsibilities. And the next time you’re thinking about skipping the town hall meeting? Just remember: your neighborhood is watching. Probably from behind a bush that really needs trimming.

Written by David L. Burton

MORE INFORMATION

Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com or burtond@missouri.edu. You can also visit his website at https://engagedneighbor.com.