Apps Can Help Us Find Our Neighbors — But They Can’t Do the Neighboring for Us

Every few years, a new app arrives promising to fix what feels broken in our neighborhoods.

“Connect with your neighbors.”

“Build community.”

“Belong where you live.”

Yet, many of us download these tools, scroll for a while, feel vaguely dissatisfied, and quietly stop using them. The technology isn’t broken—but our expectations might be.

Back in 2022, I wrote a piece titled “Nextdoor Is Not Magical Neighboring.” The central point still holds: apps do not create trust, belonging, or community. People do. Technology can remove friction, but it cannot replace face-to-face connection.

Still, the conversation has evolved, and so have the tools.

Today, the more interesting question isn’t whether apps should exist to connect neighbors—but what kind of apps actually support real human connection, especially for people who experience modern life as overwhelming, isolating, or inaccessible.

What Nextdoor Gets Right—and Wrong

Nextdoor deserves credit for helping neighbors locate one another geographically. It’s address-based, hyperlocal, and widely adopted. But for many users, it becomes a digital bulletin board of complaints, crime reports, lost dogs or polarized debate rather than a bridge to relationship.

That’s not a failure of design alone—it’s a reflection of human behavior. 

When stress, fear, or frustration dominate public discourse, apps amplify those emotions. And without clear pathways from online interaction to offline engagement, neighbors remain strangers who simply share a ZIP code.

Nextdoor doesn’t make someone knock on a door. It doesn’t reduce the social anxiety of first contact. And it doesn’t help someone who needs connection now but lacks the bandwidth to plan ahead.

The Problem Many Apps Don’t See

For some, the barrier isn’t willingness. It’s time blindness, nervous-system overload, and the paralysis that comes when connection requires planning, scheduling, driving, and decision-making across too many inputs.

When people feel dysregulated, they often do the opposite of what would help most: they withdraw, doomscroll, and isolate further. Traditional tools—church calendars, scheduled meetups, even well-intentioned community events—assume a level of executive function and predictability that not everyone has.

What’s missing is low-friction, proximity-based, mood-aware connection.

Why Proximity and Immediacy Matter

Think about the environments where spontaneous community does happen:

• College dorms, where doors are open and social life is ambient;
• Hostels, where shared space invites casual interaction;
• Even Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, which excel at answering one crucial question: “What’s happening near me, soon?”

The AA Meeting Guide app works not because of ideology, but because of design clarity: meetings are sorted by distance and time. You don’t need to plan your life—just show up.

That design principle matters deeply for people who struggle with being overwhelmed, lonely, or mental health challenges. When community is visible, nearby, and imminent, it becomes reachable.

The “Grindr for Civic Life” Idea (Yes, Really)

It may sound provocative, but the analogy is useful. Apps like Grindr, Uber, and even weather radar succeed because they answer immediate, embodied questions:

• Who is nearby?
• What’s happening now?
• How much effort does this take?

Applied to neighboring, that might look like:

• “Fire pit tonight, two blocks away”
• “Spontaneous park picnic”
• “Trash pickup party starting in 30 minutes”
• “Anyone want to do crafts or help with a small task?”

Not months from now. Not after five sign-ups and a committee meeting. Now, nearby, opt-in.

Where New Tools Like Roundabout Come In

This is where newer platforms like Roundabout, currently piloting in several communities, deserve attention. Rather than focusing on posts or commentary, Roundabout centers on activities and participation. It’s less about broadcasting opinions and more about answering: Do you want to do something with people near you?

That shift—from content to connection—is important.

Similarly, projects like the Relational Technology Project, led by Deborah Tien, are asking better questions: How does technology shape human relationships? What designs promote trust rather than extraction? How can tools strengthen local social fabric instead of monetizing attention?

These efforts recognize a critical truth: technology is not neutral. It either reinforces isolation or helps interrupt it.

Or a new app being developed in Atlanta called Amigo.

But Here’s the Hard Truth

No app—no matter how well designed—will fix neighboring by itself.

Research consistently shows that face-to-face interaction is still the gold standard for building trust and belonging. An app can invite, nudge, and lower barriers, but someone still has to say hello, show up, and risk being human.

That’s why place-based rhythms matter.

Projects like OutAndAbout.org, which encourages front-yard or driveway gatherings on the first Sunday evening of each month, succeed not because of novelty but because of predictability. The date is set. The expectation is shared. The effort is small.

Likewise, block-captain models—like those used by the Urban League in St. Louis—work because people, not platforms, hold relationships. Technology can support those leaders, but it cannot replace them.

The Sweet Spot: Tech as Invitation, Not Destination

The most promising future for neighbor-connection apps isn’t about building the next social network. It’s about creating on-ramps to real-world interaction, especially for people who feel overwhelmed, excluded, or disconnected.

That means:

• Proximity over popularity
• Activities over arguments
• Immediacy over endless scrolling
• Rewards for showing up, not just clicking
• Privacy, safety, and opt-in at the center

And perhaps most importantly: humility about what technology can and cannot do.

A Tool, Not a Substitute

We didn’t lose community because we lack apps. We lost it because modern life fragmented time, attention, and shared space. Technology helped create that fragmentation—and it may help heal it—but only if we remember the goal.

The goal isn’t engagement metrics.

The goal isn’t a clever interface.

The goal is neighbors who recognize one another, trust one another, and feel like they belong.

Apps can help us find each other.

They can’t do the neighboring for us.

And that’s okay—because neighboring has always been a human act.

Written by David L. Burton

MORE INFORMATION

Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com or burtond@missouri.edu. You can also visit his website at https://engagedneighbor.com.