Why Third Places Matter — And How to Create One in Your Community
I’ve felt this decline personally. Several years ago, I committed to visiting a pizza café near my office for lunch once a week. I stayed afterward, hoping to read, talk with strangers, and build a sense of place. Most of the time, I was the only customer. Eventually, the café closed — and with it, the possibility of that space becoming my regular hangout. I moved to a convenience store but no one else ever showed up so I abandoned that options. I tried a local coffee shop and most days I was the only person not sitting solo at a table with a laptop open and headphones on.
So eventually, my search for a third place stalled, but the more I learned, the more I realized the problem wasn’t just mine. It was national.
A recent American Community Life Survey reported that although many people live near gyms, coffee shops, parks, and grocery stores, only 25 percent regularly socialize in these spots. Even more revealing: 75 percent of Americans don’t know what a third place is.
Many believe social media can substitute for real connection. It cannot.
This quiet erosion of everyday gathering places carries enormous consequences. Third places are not frivolous luxuries — they are vital civic infrastructure.
What Makes a Place a “Third Place”?
Ray Oldenburg first popularized the concept in his book The Great Good Place. Third places, he argues, share several qualities:
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Neutral ground where anyone can come and go.
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Inclusive environments where social hierarchies fall away.
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Spaces designed for conversation, not consumption.
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Walkable, accessible locations near where people live.
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Regulars who help set the tone and welcome newcomers.
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A playful, relaxed atmosphere, often with laughter.
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A “home away from home” feeling, without the pressures of home.
A coffee shop, then, is not automatically a third place. If people rush in for a latte, open their laptops, and avoid eye contact, the space is functioning as a portable office — not a social commons. A third place emerges only when people show up regularly to talk, linger, meet new faces, and establish a rhythm of presence.
Richard Kyte, director of the DB Reinhardt Institute for Ethics and Leadership and a guest in my Neighboring 101 series, notes that 90 percent of his college students say they do not have a third place. When these spaces disappear, Kyte warns, our interactions shift away from shared interests and toward perceived differences. That shift fuels polarization, weakens community trust, and increases loneliness.
What We Lose When Third Places Disappear
The effects ripple far beyond individual well-being. According to Kyte, the decline of third places erodes social capital — the reservoir of trust built through repeated, low-stakes interactions. Robert Putnam famously illustrated this in Bowling Alone, showing how Americans still bowl but rarely join bowling leagues. The physical space remains, but the social function has faded.
Social capital influences almost everything: economic vitality, school performance, civic participation, public safety, and even local government trust. Without places to gather, communities lose their connective tissue.
Meanwhile, loneliness surges — especially among young adults, who paradoxically volunteer at high rates but seldom join ongoing groups or organizations that foster deeper relationships. Churches, once reliable third places, now offer fewer weekly gathering opportunities. Social media amplifies the illusion of connection while leaving the underlying hunger unsatisfied.
The formula is painfully simple: Less in-person connection → more loneliness → more anxiety and depression → more withdrawal.
Breaking that cycle requires intention.
Reclaiming the Third Place: A Personal and Civic Invitation
When I think back to my childhood in Ash Grove, third places were everywhere — the library, the swimming pool, the Pic-n-Pay, even my parents’ card-playing nights with neighbors. They weren’t formal programs or branded gathering spaces; they were just places people showed up because that’s where interaction naturally happened.
Today, we must create that intentionally.
Creating or discovering a third place doesn’t require a multi-million-dollar development plan. It takes consistency, presence, and a willingness to linger. Here are a few practical ways based on the stories and insights in your document:
1. Start With What Exists
Walk or drive through your community with new eyes. Look for:
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A locally owned coffee shop with morning regulars.
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A library with a quiet but steady flow of neighbors.
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A diner, community center, cafe, or even a convenience store with seating.
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A church lobby where people gather before and after services.
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A park with benches or a playground where conversations begin naturally.
Then choose one and go there regularly. At the same time. On the same day. Every week.
Consistency turns a location into a place.
When Kum & Go opened its “marketplace design” store in Republic with indoor seating, I hosted morning studies there for several months. The space was often empty, but when a few people met consistently, it began to change the energy of the room. Third places begin with a small group that decides to show up.
2. Don’t Wait for Someone Else to Create It
If no third place exists near you, consider creating your own micro-place:
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Host weekly coffee in your driveway or garage.
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Turn a ping pong table, card table, or front porch into a predictable gathering spot.
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Start a book group that always meets in the same corner of the library.
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Invite neighbors to walk together every Tuesday morning.
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Pick a locally owned café and become a “regular” — then invite others.
Businesses alone can’t create third places. But they can host them. And residents can anchor them.
3. Keep It Simple and Low-Pressure
A true third place does not require a curriculum, formal membership, RSVPs, elaborate programs or perfect décor.
It does require repeat interaction among people who choose to be there.
In fact, the more informal the setting, the easier it is for strangers to join. Conversation should be the central activity. Laughter should be common. The stakes should be low.
4. Understand the Bigger Impact
Creating or maintaining a third place is not just about personal benefit — though the benefits are real. People with third places: expand their circle of friends, laugh more, feel more connected, experience less loneliness, are more engaged in civic life, and tend to live longer.
But the community benefits may be even greater. A third place leads to: more trust between neighbors, more local participation, better problem-solving, less political division, stronger local businesses, and a more hopeful civic culture.
Third places generate the kind of relationships that heal divisions and strengthen democracy.
A Closing Challenge
Most people today don’t have a third place. But every community has the ingredients for one. You don’t need permission. You don’t need a budget. You need intention.
Pick a place. Pick a time. Show up. Invite others. Let the slow work of connection begin.
If you already have a third place, tell someone about it. If you don’t, now is the perfect time to create one — for your neighbors, for your community, and for the health of our democracy.
Written by David L. Burton
MORE INFORMATION
Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com or burtond@missouri.edu. You can also visit his website at https://engagedneighbor.com.
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