Book Review: "Mattering" is a Timely Exploration an Overlooked Human Need
"Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose" is a timely and deeply meaningful exploration of one of the most overlooked human needs: the need to feel that we matter. Jennifer Breheny Wallace offers readers a compelling blend of research, storytelling, and practical insight that speaks directly to the quiet ache many people carry—the desire to know they are seen, valued, and needed.
The idea of mattering is especially relevant to the work I do in communities. Whether I am engaging partners, strengthening neighborhoods, supporting leaders, or serving residents, helping people feel that they matter is at the core of building resilient communities. Wallace’s research also highlights insights I can integrate into my programs, communications, and relationships.
At its core, the book argues that mattering is not the same as achievement, popularity, or even success. Instead, mattering is rooted in relationships, contribution, and mutual recognition. Wallace carefully distinguishes between "feeling important" and "feeling valued for who you are," and that distinction is powerful. In a culture often driven by performance metrics, social media validation, and comparison, this book feels like a corrective lens—refocusing us on what truly builds lasting wellbeing and purpose.
One of the book’s greatest strengths is its accessibility. Readers can credit Wallace's experience as a journalist for this readability. She has served as a journalist for 60 Minutes and written for major newspapers including The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post.
So back on accessibility: Wallace translates complex psychological and sociological research into language and examples that feel real and applicable. The stories—from families to schools to workplaces—illustrate how environments can either cultivate mattering or quietly erode it. Readers will likely recognize themselves, their workplaces, their churches, and their neighborhoods in these examples.
Another standout feature is the hopeful tone. While Wallace does not ignore the rising rates of loneliness, anxiety, and disconnection, she refuses to frame these as unsolvable problems. Instead, she points to small, relational, daily actions that can rebuild a sense of significance and belonging. The message is both challenging and empowering: we do not have to wait for systems to change before we can help others feel that they matter.
For readers interested in community life, civic engagement, education, faith communities, or simply healthier relationships, this book offers a framework that is both philosophical and practical. It encourages readers to ask not just “How do I succeed?” but “Who feels seen because I exist?”
Ultimately, "Mattering" is more than a book about psychology—it is a book about how we rebuild human connection in a disconnected age. It reminds us that purpose is rarely found in isolation. It is found in being known, needed, and valued by others—and in offering that same gift in return.
Further Questions Worth Exploring (Especially in Community Context)
* What are the earliest experiences in a person’s life that shape whether they feel they matter?
* How does digital culture change how people measure their own worth?
* Can mattering be “self-generated,” or is it always relational?
* What are the visible signs that people feel they matter in a neighborhood?
* How does mattering show up in simple behaviors like waving, helping, or checking on neighbors?
* Can a community intentionally design systems (events, spaces, rituals) that increase mattering?
* How would local government decision-making change if “Do residents feel they matter?” was a core metric?
* Could schools measure mattering the same way they measure attendance or achievement?
* What role do libraries, parks, and community centers play in helping people feel visible and valued?
* Is it possible to build a reliable “Mattering Index” for communities?
* What is the relationship between mattering and civic participation?
* Does increasing mattering reduce polarization, loneliness, or community conflict?
MORE INFORMATION
Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com.
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