Why Mattering Might Be the Missing Ingredient in Strong Neighborhoods

If you asked most people what they want out of life, you’d hear answers like happiness, success, security, or maybe purpose.

But underneath all of those is something simpler and more powerful: "We want to know we matter."

Not in a spotlight way.  Not in a fame or status way. But in a deeply human way.

We want to know that someone would notice if we were gone. That our presence makes a difference. That our lives ripple outward in ways that help others.

Recently, conversations sparked by "Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose" by Jennifer Breheny Wallace have helped bring this idea into the mainstream. But if you work in community development, neighboring, or local civic life, you probably recognize something important: We have been seeing the effects of mattering — or the absence of it — in neighborhoods for years.

Because here’s the truth: For many people, the place where they are most likely to experience mattering is not at work. Not online. Not even, sometimes, in extended family networks.

It’s right outside their front door.

The Quiet Crisis: Feeling Invisible

We live in a strange cultural moment. We are more digitally connected than ever before, but many people feel more invisible than ever before.

You can live on the same street for 10 years and never learn your neighbor’s name, never be invited into their home, and never have someone check on you during a hard season.

And over time, something subtle but powerful happens.

People begin to believe they don’t really count to anyone around them. That is not just sad. It’s dangerous for communities.

When people don’t feel like they matter trust drops, participation drops, hope drops, and kindness becomes optional instead of normal.

But when people do feel like they matter, something incredible happens.

They show up. They contribute. They care about the place they live.

The Science of Mattering (And Why It Matters for Neighborhoods)

The science of mattering studies how people experience feeling significant and valued by others. Psychologists like Gordon Flett and Gregory Elliott helped introduce and develop this field of study.

Research consistently shows that mattering is a basic human desire, the result of feeling valued by others and adding value to others, and a key factor in both mental and physical health.

When people experience mattering self-worth increases, motivation increases, risk of depression and anxiety decreases, academic engagement improves, peer relationships improve, and risky behaviors decrease.

If you translate that into neighborhood language, it’s pretty powerful: Mattering is preventative community development.

It reduces isolation before it becomes crisis.

It builds trust before conflict grows.

It strengthens belonging before loneliness hardens into withdrawal.

Neighboring Is One of the Most Practical Ways to Create Mattering

Here’s the part I love most about this idea.

You don’t need a new program to help people feel like they matter. You don’t need a grant. You don’t need a committee.

You need small, consistent, human moments. Learning someone’s name. Remembering their story. Checking on them after a storm. Noticing when they haven’t been outside for a few days. Celebrating when something good happens in their life.

These are not small things. These are mattering-building actions.

In neighboring language, this is the difference between being a good neighbor and being an engaged neighbor.

A good neighbor is nice but leaves you alone.

An engaged neighbor is present. Presence creates mattering.

The Question Every Neighborhood Should Ask

Most communities measure things like property values, crime rates, growth and development.

Those things matter.

But what if we asked a different foundational question? What if we asked: Do people here feel like they matter?

Imagine if we measured:

• Do people feel known by name?
• Do residents believe someone would check on them if they were sick?
• Do people feel like they have something to contribute locally?
• Do kids feel seen by adults besides their parents?
• Do seniors feel remembered, not just served?

That kind of measurement would tell us more about the future health of a community than almost anything else.

How People Experience More Mattering (And How Neighborhoods Can Help)

Research and lived experience both point to similar pathways. People experience more mattering when they notice others and show care, build relationships with people who value them, volunteer, mentor, or coach, stay fully engaged with family and children, listen deeply and give to others.

Now imagine a neighborhood where those things are normal.

Not special. Not rare. Normal.

That’s not just friendliness.

That’s belonging infrastructure.

Mattering Is Built in Ordinary Moments

Here’s the really good news. Mattering is not built through grand gestures. It is built through repeated, ordinary, relational moments.

The wave across the yard.

The short driveway conversation.

The extra plate of cookies.

The text that says, “Hey, I was thinking about you.”

The simple prayer for the people on your street.

You don’t have to fix people’s lives. You just have to help them know they are not invisible.

A Simple Challenge for This Week

Try one of the following actions that can help increase the sense of mattering for you or a neighbor. 

• Learn one new neighbor’s name
• Ask someone how long they’ve lived in the neighborhood and listen to their story
• Check on someone you haven’t seen in a while
• Thank a neighbor for something specific they do that makes the street better
• Pray for each home as you walk or drive by

None of these take much time.

But each one says something powerful: You are here. I see you. You matter.

Final Thought

Strong neighborhoods are not built on perfection. They are built on people who help each other remember they count.

If we want less loneliness, more trust, and stronger communities, it starts with something as simple as helping the people around us know they matter.

Right where we live.

Written by David L. Burton

MORE INFORMATION

Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com.