HBO Series "Neighbors" Looks at Bad Examples and That is a Problem

When I watched the trailer for HBO’s new series about bad neighbors, I felt a familiar tension. On one hand, I understand our cultural fascination with conflict and disruption — it’s dramatic, it’s sensational, and in media terms it grabs attention. 

On the other hand, from the work that I’ve devoted years to (studying neighboring, civic trust, community belonging, and the conditions that make neighborhoods thrive), focusing on the worst of human behavior is exactly the wrong lever if our goal is healthy, connected communities.

Here’s why I think that emphasis is destructive:

1. What we focus on grows. There’s a psychological and cultural feedback loop: when we celebrate the negative or elevate it to entertainment, we inadvertently normalize it. People see the most extreme behavior and think that’s what “neighbors” are like — not just a few bad apples, but representative of everyday life. That corrodes trust and increases social distance, exactly the opposite of what we need.
2. We already know there are bad neighbors. Every community has difficult interactions — that’s part of human diversity. But giving them marquee spotlight reinforces stereotypes and reinforces fear, rather than equipping people with the tools to choose a different script.
3. It’s a narrative of scarcity, not abundance. When media focuses on the gaps — the cracks, the failings, the dysfunction — it frames community life as something people have to endure instead of something they can build. But my research shows that neighbors are doing extraordinary work every day: acts of care, small kindnesses, civic engagement, informal mutual aid. Those are the stories that build belonging muscle.

So what, then, should we take away from a show like this?

1. Use it as a mirror, not a roadmap. If the show prompts people to reflect on behavior — to ask “Is this how I want to be?” — that can be a starting point. But that takeaway only matters if it’s paired with examples of what better looks like.
2. Critically question the framing. We should ask: Who decides what counts as “neighborly dysfunction”? What stories are being left out? Who benefits when we punch down at ordinary everyday life? That level of media literacy matters.
3. Balance media with intentional modeling. One reason I advocate for celebrating good neighbors is that we need counter-narratives — evidence that strong belonging is real and possible. Otherwise the cultural landscape becomes a hall of mirrors where the worst gets amplified and the best goes unseen.
4. Turn discomfort into invitation. Instead of saying “look at how terrible this is,” we can use the discomfort people feel watching bad behavior to invite them toward better behavior — to be the neighbor who opens the door, offers help, or steps into a conflict with empathy rather than hostility.

In short: Yes — a series like this may capture attention, but it’s more likely to reinforce fear and division than foster connection. The real work of community isn’t in watching dysfunction — it’s in modeling and celebrating the countless moments where people choose generosity, care, and active neighborliness. We get more of what we celebrate — so let’s celebrate that.

For ideas on how to be an engaged neighbor visit our website.

Written by David L. Burton

Additional books by David Burton on Amazon

MORE INFORMATION

Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com.