Why America’s Obsession With “Bad Neighbors” Misses the Bigger Story

As a longtime community development professional and the founder of Missouri Good Neighbor Week, I’ve spent more than two decades working with neighborhoods across Missouri—urban, suburban, and rural. That’s why, when I recently watched the trailer for HBO’s new series focused on neighbor conflict premiering February 13, I had a strong reaction.

Not because conflict between neighbors doesn’t exist—it absolutely does—but because what we choose to spotlight says something important about who we are becoming as a society.

Conflict Makes for Good TV—But a Poor Civic Diet

Television thrives on tension. Loud arguments, boundary disputes, feuds, and outrage capture attention. That’s not new. What concerns me is how easily these stories become the dominant narrative about neighborhood life.

Most neighbors are not at war with one another. In fact, my work—and the data we collect statewide—shows the opposite. Every year, tens of thousands of Missourians quietly check on elderly neighbors, shovel driveways, organize block gatherings, watch out for one another’s kids, and respond first in moments of crisis.

Those stories rarely go viral. But they are the stories that actually hold communities together.

What We Celebrate, We Multiply

There’s an old saying in community development: what we focus on grows.

When media repeatedly frames neighborhoods as places of conflict, suspicion, and hostility, it shapes expectations. People begin to approach their neighbors defensively rather than relationally. Trust erodes. Small misunderstandings escalate faster. Isolation feels safer than engagement.

At a time when loneliness, polarization, and social disconnection are already at historic highs, this matters.

Neighborhoods Are Where Mattering Is Practiced

For many Americans, the neighborhood is the most accessible place where they can experience—and offer—mattering. Not fame. Not online attention. Just the simple knowledge that someone would notice if you were gone.

Healthy neighboring builds social trust, informal support systems, safer streets, emotional resilience and a sense of belonging that no app can replace.

Those outcomes don’t make dramatic television—but they make functional communities.

A Better Question for Viewers

Rather than asking, “How bad are neighbors today?” I’d invite viewers to ask a different question after watching a show like this:

1. “What kind of neighbor am I becoming?”

Am I known on my block?
Do I assume the worst—or extend grace first?
Have I invested anything into the place where I live, beyond my own property line?

2. Pop Culture Can Be a Starting Point—Not the Final Word

To be clear, this isn’t a call to cancel shows or shame viewers. Pop culture can spark meaningful conversations when we use it thoughtfully.

My hope is that this series becomes not an endpoint—but a prompt. A reason to talk about:

• Why neighboring feels harder than it used to
• What we’ve lost as communities have become more disconnected
• And how ordinary people can begin rebuilding trust right where they live

The antidote to bad neighbors isn’t better fences or louder arguments. It’s practiced presence, shared responsibility, and everyday acts of care.

3. The Story We Need More Of

Across Missouri and the country, there is a quiet movement of people choosing to show up anyway. They host block parties. Start neighborhood groups. Learn names. Repair trust one conversation at a time.

That story deserves airtime too.

Because in the end, the future of our communities won’t be decided by the worst neighbors among us—but by whether the rest of us are willing to be engaged ones.

Written by David L. Burton

Additional books by David Burton on Amazon

MORE INFORMATION

Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com.