Wendell Berry: If You Want to be Loved, You Have to be Known

 


In Wendell Berry’s quote, "If you want to be loved, you must go through the mortifying experience of letting yourself be known," he talks about a difficult but important part of love and human connection. 

To truly be loved, Berry suggests, you cannot hide behind a mask or keep parts of yourself hidden. Instead, you must open up and let others see you for who you really are—flaws, mistakes, and all.

This idea may feel "mortifying," or embarrassing, because showing vulnerability can be hard and uncomfortable. But, Berry points out, it is a necessary step for creating deep, genuine relationships.

When we try to hide our true selves, it can be difficult for others to connect with us. People might like what we show them, but they are not truly seeing us. Love, in its truest form, requires honesty and trust. 

To be loved for who we truly are, we must first allow ourselves to be seen, even if it feels risky. This can be a scary thought because, in opening up, we make ourselves vulnerable to rejection or judgment.

Berry's use of the word "mortifying" is important. It reflects how uncomfortable it can be to let others in. 

Many of us fear that if others truly know us—our mistakes, our weaknesses, our fears—they will not love us anymore. However, the quote suggests that love is not about perfection. 

True love comes when we let down our walls and allow others to understand us on a deeper level. In a way, by showing our true selves, we invite others to love us for everything we are, not just a version of ourselves that we’ve carefully constructed.

This idea of vulnerability is also connected to trust. 

When we let others know us, we are giving them the opportunity to love us fully, but we also trust them to accept us for who we are. It is in this trust that real, lasting love can grow. Love is not about perfection—it is about understanding and acceptance. 

So, although letting ourselves be known may feel “mortifying” at first, it is the only way to form meaningful, authentic relationships.

WRITTEN BY

David L. Burton

Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com.

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