Neighboring Applies to Rural Residents As Well

 

Neighboring isn’t just a suburban experiment or a nostalgic idea tied to front porches and cul-de-sacs. It’s just as relevant—and just as powerful—in rural spaces. Wide-open land doesn’t automatically create strong relationships. In fact, sometimes distance, independence, and long-standing routines can make connection even less likely.

And contrary to popular belief, this isn’t a “younger generation problem.” It’s easy to assume that technology or shifting cultural norms have made younger people less neighborly. But in reality, the hesitation to engage with those living nearby spans generations. Avoidance, assumptions, and quiet judgment are not new habits—they just show up in different ways.

I was reminded of this at a recent community cookout.

I found myself seated with a group of people I didn’t know. Before long, the conversation turned toward a nearby landowner who had begun lining his fence with old tires. The tone quickly shifted from curiosity to criticism. 

Someone pointed out that the tires could collect water and become a breeding ground for insects. Another chimed in that “someone should really go talk to him.” But that suggestion was immediately undercut by a dismissive conclusion: anyone who would do something like that was “probably crazy.”

So I asked a simple question: “Is he new to the area?”

There was a pause. A glance exchanged between a husband and wife.

“No,” the husband said. “They moved in about ten years ago.”

Ten years of proximity without relationship—yet plenty of certainty about character.

A few moments later, the woman turned to me and asked if I had any advice on how to approach the situation. How should she go talk to this neighbor about the tires?

I suggested something that, to me, felt both obvious and foundational: “Why not invite them over for dinner? Start with a relationship first.”

Her reaction was immediate and visceral. She looked at me like I had just landed from another planet.

“Why would I do something like that?” she asked.

It wasn’t hostility—it was genuine confusion. The idea of building a relationship before addressing a concern felt foreign, even unnecessary.

So I explained.

When we lead with relationship, we replace assumptions with understanding. We shift from confrontation to conversation. We stop seeing someone as “the neighbor with the strange tire fence” and start seeing them as a person—with a story, reasons, and perhaps even openness to dialogue.

But when we skip that step, everything becomes harder. Concerns feel like accusations. Conversations feel like conflicts. And distance—whether physical or emotional—only grows.

Was she moved to action? I doubt it.

But the moment stuck with me because it highlights something deeper: neighboring isn’t about geography. It’s about mindset.

You can live on five acres or five feet apart and still not know the person next door. You can share a fence line for a decade and never share a meal. And you can have legitimate concerns about what’s happening nearby while still choosing not to engage in any meaningful way.

The truth is, neighboring requires intention.

It asks us to move toward people, not away from them. To choose curiosity over assumption. To risk a little discomfort in exchange for the possibility of connection.

And sometimes, it starts with something as simple—and as radical—as an invitation to dinner.

WRITTEN BY

David L. Burton

Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com.