Oof, that pot-and-pan dinner story lives rent-free in my head because it perfectly captures a common mistake good people make when they’re trying to “reach” others: they accidentally bait-and-switch them. Here’s the fuller version of what happened. Back when my wife and I were young, I was working in the alumni and development office at a local university. My job—at least as I understood it—was to build genuine relationships with alumni. So when a well-known alum invited us over for dinner, we felt like we’d hit a milestone. My wife was excited to see another home and enjoy a nice evening. I was excited that my relationship-building efforts were paying off. We arrived at a beautiful house. The host was cooking on the island in a pristine kitchen, preparing a fancy meal that we would never have tried on our own in those days. We sat down, enjoyed great conversation, and I remember thinking, This is it. This is what real relationship-building looks like. This is how trust grows. Th...