We Are Neighbors

  I hosted a bonus session of Neighboring 101 on Nov. 30, 2023, dealing with dementia. Mark Applegate with Senior Age was our guest speaker. He shared his own heart-warming story of dementia and his mother along with valuable information for anyone who interacts with their neighbors. (I hope that is you). Odds are you have a neighbor with dementia, or at least a neighbor providing support for someone with dementia. C heck out our class video and feel free to share it widely. Session 40 Neighboring 101 class online here . Here are some key take-aways from this session for me. How can we be good neighbors to someone with dementia? Just like many things that are hard: ● Learn- about the disease ● Care- Applying what you know to befriend them/care for them where they are ● Share- Helping others understand too What are some do and don'ts for interacting with people who have dementia? Do: ○ Ask how they are doing generally ○ Ask how the caregiver is doing too ○ Treat them with respect an...

  Our neighbors are hungry for neighborly love. According to Barna, more than a quarter of U.S. adults live alone, and it is not uncommon for people to have no regular visitors in their home. What psychiatrists call “chronic loneliness” is common in modern American life. The neighborhood used to be where people could predictably find friendship in the midst of loneliness and help in time of need. But since the end of World War II, that’s been changing. As Brian Fikkert and Kelly M. Kapic detail in their book Becoming Whole , the local neighborhood is no longer a place where we are known or meaningfully connected. Isolated people now purchase from professionals the care previous generations received from neighbors. The time couldn’t be riper for Christians to resist yielding to bitter antagonism and instead choose the ancient path of neighborly love Christian exiles before us faithfully walked. What if we, too, refused to blend in, refused to strike back, and instead becam...

  Putting your community in the social media limelight brings the risk of receiving occasional negative comments. You might be thinking, “Won’t negative comments turn other potential customers away?”   The answer is “not necessarily.”   Negative feedback also provides an excellent opportunity to showcase your customer service or response. Resolving negative issues can result in three times more positive exposure for a business or a community.   When negativity inevitably appears, equip yourself with tactics for handling the negativity. If it involves a community, like a city government or the school district, then a team needs to be in place to address it.   The days of complaining about social media and hoping it is just a fad are over. Social media is here to stay, so we should instead find ways to use it positively,.   BASIC SOCIAL MEDIA TIPS   Burton offers seven basic tips that can help provide direction.   1. Resp...

I grew up in a small Missouri town during the 1970s and 1980s where the doorbell ringing was greeted with excitement. We were always excited to have unexpected neighbors drop by for a visit. It was a regular occurrence and it was common for neighbors or visitors to stay a couple of hours visiting. By the mid-2000s, when my children were younger, we were more likely to freeze in place if the doorbell ever rang. Or ignore it all together, assuming it was just a package being delivered. A half-century ago, neighbors would have been the most obvious choice for forming social connections in a town. In the 1950s, 44 percent of neighbors socialized with each other at least once a week, according to Melody Warnick in her book, “This is Where you Belong.”  Neighborhood cocktail parties, poker games, picnics and potlucks dominated a person’s social life. By 1971, that number had fallen to only 24 percent and continued declining. In our own survey we just asked about annual get-togethers, not...

  Becky McCray, creator of the "Idea Friendly Method," was the speaker for University of Missouri Extension's Neighboring 101 class on Jan. 20. "The idea-friendly approach is different from the old way of organizing events where we would create committees, develop ideas, and hope that someone shows up to participate," said McCray. "Instead of obsessing about changing other people, we focus on taking our actions." This approach also helps overcome the old 80/20 rule where you are at the top level for excitement, and no one else probably has the same level of enthusiasm. "So, it becomes frustrating when you think no one is as excited about this as I am. If this were a committee, you would cut these people off because they won't come to meetings," said McCray. The new way of looking at this is that the leader's enthusiasm is actually at the bottom of the curve, then other people add on with their input or involvement. "W...

  Sometimes things have to end to move forward. There are times when strained finances, fractured relationships, and poor leadership have fractured an organization (or your own personal schedule) to the point that the best thing to do is end it and go in a new direction. Since 2020, I have found an increased ability to see these types of needed changes. While some may see ending something as absurd, or an indication of failure, one national author certainly does not. Dr. Henry Cloud makes this claim: "Failing well means ending something that is not working and choosing to do something else better." Changing things to move forward can apply to organizations, associations, communities, and in your personal life. It is a research-based perspective supported in Dr. Cloud's new book, "Necessary Endings." If you're hesitant to change when things aren't working out, Dr. Cloud's "Necessary Endings" may be the most important book you read ...

  A three-year Gallup study of 26 U.S. cities (released in 2010) found that peoples’ love and passion for their community may be a leading indicator for local economic growth. Surprisingly, social offerings, openness, and beauty are far more important than peoples’ perceptions of the economy, jobs, or essential services in creating a lasting emotional bond between people and their community. The 26 cities in the survey with the highest levels of resident love and passion for their community, or resident attachment, also had the highest GDP growth rates over time. This study is critical because its findings about emotional attachment to place point to a new perspective that we encourage leaders to consider; it is especially valuable as we aim to strengthen our communities during this tough economic time. COMMUNITY QUALITIES Three community qualities – social offerings, openness, and beauty – have consistently emerged as the leading drivers for community attachment over the...

  Some cultural changes in America make me shake my head, others bring tears to my eyes. One tear-producing example was mentioned in a book I was reading recently about neighborhoods: renting friends. My research of the trend-led me to an article in Vox Magazine by Jean-Luc Bouchard with this headline: “I paid $47 an hour for someone to be my friend.” Bouchard’s article began this way: “In an uncharacteristic display of concern, my brother had called to tell me to be safe. My brother was worried about what seemed to me an ideal Saturday afternoon: My friend and I were taking in a movie, walking through some of New York City’s loveliest neighborhoods, and enjoying cactus tacos at a food hall. It was a perfectly pleasant series of events that I’d calculated to last 180 minutes, because my friend was a stranger I found online and I was paying for the company by the hour.” My first reaction was that this is bananas! This idea began in Japan two decades ago. In Japan the plato...

  To better understand the differences between an asset-based and a deficit-based approach to a neighborhood, let's imagine two people (Jenny and Sam) living in the same neighborhood. When Jenny looks around her neighborhood, she tends to notice problems first, but when Sam looks around the neighborhood, his eye is caught by all the gifts in the neighborhood.  Traditionally, most people who want to positively impact their neighborhood are like Jenny. The deficit-based approach is a common and understandable one. The desire to seek improvement often starts with seeing what's wrong. When Jenny walks through her neighborhood, she sees needs, problems, and scarcity. As a result, Jenny feels overwhelmed at the thought of making a difference, so she invites an outside organization to come into the neighborhood and bring their expertise, resources, and volunteers. These are the hallmarks of a deficit-based approach.  But Sam sees assets, gifts, and possibilities there when he wa...

  Little Free Libraries are a global phenomenon. The small, front‐yard book exchanges number more than 175,000 worldwide in over 100 countries — from Iceland to Tasmania to Pakistan.  There is now a new and official Little Free Library at 441 N Bailey Ave., in Republic, Mo. That address is also known as Owen Park Library. It is a high-traffic area with walkers and families visiting regularly. Cassi and Thomas Wilder, along with their children Oliver and Penelope, sponsor this new Little Free Library. During the ribbon-cutting ceremony of this box on Nov. 11, 2023, Cassi shared a few words with attendees. "I would like to extend a special recognition to The Republic Parks and Recreation Department and The University of Missouri Extension, especially David Burton, for their significant contributions in establishing the Owen Park Little Free Library. This resource is a free and inclusive service available 24/7 to all community members. Visitors are welcome to either borrow or don...

There have been several well-documented situations over the last 20 years where a crowd of people has stood by and watched someone be beaten up or victimized. How could people just stand by and watch something horrible happen? Some have suggested that the eyewitnesses' failure to report the incident likely resulted from concern over being labeled a snitch. Social psychological research on the bystander effect suggests a different cause: too many eyewitnesses were present. The bystander effect refers to people being less likely to offer help in a group than when alone. A real-world account inspired research on this effect. In 1964, 28-year-old Kitty Genovese was raped and stabbed to death in front of her apartment. The attack lasted over 30 minutes and was witnessed by several dozen people who failed to report the incident. Some said they thought it was a "lover's quarrel," others realized it was a crime but assumed that someone else had already called the police...