Culture is like a big ship—it doesn’t turn quickly. You can’t just yank the wheel and expect an instant change of course. It takes time, teamwork, and a clear destination. The same is true for our American culture and the way we think about neighboring.
For several decades now we’ve been taught—quietly but consistently—that being a good neighbor means minding your own business. A good neighbor, we were told, keeps their yard tidy, pays their taxes, and doesn’t bother anyone. That definition fit well with the rise of privacy fences, garage door openers, and a lifestyle designed for independence. We learned to wave politely and then retreat indoors.
But as we’ve drifted along with that cultural current, something important has been lost. We have fewer conversations across the fence, fewer shared meals, and fewer friendships close to home. Loneliness, disconnection, and division have taken root in the quiet spaces where community once grew.
Changing that idea of what it means to be a good neighbor—moving from quiet and private to connected and engaged—isn’t something that happens overnight. It’s going to take a long, concerted effort. Turning a ship of this size means everyone has to take a hand at the wheel.
The good news is that even small movements in the right direction can make a difference. One person deciding to learn the names of the eight front doors closest to their own can begin a ripple. A wave, a shared meal, a kind word—these are the small drips that, over time, create momentum. Like drops of water wearing away stone, these acts of neighboring reshape the culture around us slowly but surely.
You might not see the results immediately. In fact, you might wonder if your small gestures matter at all. But here’s the truth: they do. Every time you choose connection over convenience, or conversation over comfort, you help steer the ship. And when enough of us make that same choice, the culture begins to turn.
The vision of an engaged neighbor isn’t about being intrusive or nosy. It’s about being attentive, available, and willing to care. It’s about realizing that our well-being is tied to the people who live around us—that belonging doesn’t happen by accident, but by repeated acts of intentional kindness.
If culture truly is a massive ship, then we are all crew members. We may not control the engines, but we can adjust the sails. We can look out for one another, share what we have, and offer a hand to someone who needs it.
Change won’t come fast—but it will come. Because one small drip at a time, we are building a new current: a culture that believes a good neighbor doesn’t just leave you alone—a good neighbor shows up.
Written by David L. Burton
MORE INFORMATION
Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com or burtond@missouri.edu. You can also visit his website at https://engagedneighbor.com.
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