When Being “Creative” Becomes Aggravating: What the Toilet Seat Yard Teaches Us About Neighboring

 
Photo by Jym Wilson in the Springfield Daily Citizen

Every so often a neighborhood dispute becomes so odd that it captures public attention. Recently, that happened in Springfield when a resident placed multiple toilet seats in his front yard—reportedly as a form of protest and self-described “artistic expression.” It made for a quirky headline and plenty of chuckles. But beneath the humor is a more important question: Is this what engaged neighboring looks like?

I would argue no.

Engaged neighboring is about building relationships, not winning arguments. It’s about connection, not provocation. And while toilet seats in the front yard may feel clever to the person installing them, they function less as conversation starters and more as conflict accelerators.

There’s an important distinction between being an engaged neighbor and an aggravating neighbor. An engaged neighbor seeks to understand others, even when there’s disagreement. They look for ways to lower the temperature, not turn it up. An aggravating neighbor, on the other hand, uses shock, sarcasm, or spectacle to make a point—often at the expense of trust.

The real issue here isn’t toilets or yard décor. It’s unresolved frustration. And frustration, when left unaddressed, tends to come out sideways. Passive-aggressive acts may feel satisfying in the moment, but they rarely move a relationship forward. More often, they harden positions and invite outside enforcement—whether that’s city code enforcement or social media judgment.

So what’s the better path, assuming the homeowner actually wants to be connected to his neighbors?

It starts with humility. Real engagement begins by acknowledging impact. “I was frustrated, and I handled it poorly.” That kind of honesty can be disarming. It signals that relationship matters more than being right.

Next comes apology—not as an admission of defeat, but as an investment in peace. Apologizing doesn’t erase differences; it creates space to talk about them without hostility.

Then comes conversation. Not a debate. Not a defense. A conversation. Asking questions like, “What was this like for you?” or “How can we move forward without this hanging over us?” shifts the focus from past behavior to future coexistence.

Finally, engaged neighbors look for shared expectations. Most people want the same things from their neighborhood: safety, respect, predictability, and a sense of belonging. Naming those shared values often reveals more common ground than expected.

Neighborhood life is messy. Disagreements are inevitable. But the measure of a healthy community isn’t the absence of conflict—it’s how we handle it.

Toilet seats in the front yard may grab attention, but they don’t build trust. And trust, not clever protest, is what turns neighbors into a neighborhood.

Written by David L. Burton

MORE INFORMATION

Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com or burtond@missouri.edu. You can also visit his website at https://engagedneighbor.com.