The Good Neighbor Myth Is Fading—But It Doesn’t Have to Disappear

For generations, Americans have liked to believe we are a nation of good neighbors. We tell stories about borrowing sugar across the fence, keeping an eye on one another’s homes, and gathering on front porches after dinner. Many people still assume those habits are alive and well. But recent research suggests something deeper is happening beneath the surface: the idea of neighboring is quietly fading from everyday American life. 

A recent article from the American Enterprise Institute examined new survey findings showing that Americans increasingly define being a “good neighbor” not by engagement, but by distance. In other words, many people now believe the best neighbors are quiet, private, and uninvolved. Younger adults especially tend to see neighboring less as relationship-building and more as respectful separation. 

That should concern us.

Privacy is important. Boundaries matter. No one wants neighbors who are intrusive or disrespectful. But when neighboring becomes little more than avoiding conflict, neighborhoods lose something essential. We stop becoming communities and slowly become collections of strangers who happen to share a ZIP code.

The AEI research found that only about one in four young adults now say they talk with neighbors regularly, a dramatic decline from just over a decade ago. That trend mirrors much of what we are already seeing in broader society. Americans report having fewer close friendships, fewer civic connections, and less face-to-face interaction overall.

What makes this decline especially dangerous is that neighboring often functions as a form of “civic infrastructure.” Strong neighborhoods create informal support systems long before government programs or institutions ever become involved. Neighbors notice when someone is struggling. They check on older adults during storms. They recognize unusual activity. They help children feel safe walking home. They create trust that makes cooperation possible.

Without those small interactions, communities become more fragile.

The good news is that neighboring does not require perfection, extroversion, or endless free time. Most neighboring begins with very small actions. A wave. Learning someone’s name. Bringing in a trash can. Offering encouragement after a difficult season. Sitting outside long enough to become familiar instead of anonymous.

Research consistently shows that trust grows through repeated small interactions over time. That means neighboring is less about grand gestures and more about consistency.

In many ways, the myth we need to abandon is not the idea of good neighbors. The myth we need to abandon is that neighboring happens automatically.

Healthy neighborhoods do not appear by accident anymore. Modern life pulls us indoors, online, and into carefully curated social circles. If we want connection, belonging, and trust where we live, someone has to intentionally create it.

That “someone” might simply be us.

The encouraging part is that neighboring behaviors are contagious. One person waving often leads to another person waving back. One driveway conversation can slowly change the tone of an entire street. One block gathering can introduce relationships that make future cooperation easier.

The decline in neighboring is real. But decline is not destiny.

Every neighborhood still contains the possibility of connection waiting to be rediscovered—sometimes one introduction at a time.

WRITTEN BY

David L. Burton

For more information, visit the Engaged Neighbor website. Take our pledge and become part of a movement! Or subscribe to our newsletter. Access some of the research documents written by David Burton, the author of this blog. Or better yet, purchase one of his books off Amazon. Contact David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.