Being a Good Neighbor is Not Rocket Science

Manners expert Thomas P. Farley says our “issues” with neighbors typically arise because we do not know the person. 

“You’ve never even had a conversation with your neighbor. Maybe you grunt as you pass them on the street, or you give a cursory wave as you pull out of your driveways, and that’s the extent of it,” said Farley.

But to resolve neighbor problems or issues, a closer relationship is required.

“It starts with if we can consider our neighbors to be friends, we’re building communities, we start building bonds, we have less frustration. The research shows that we’re seeing so many issues these days because we’re such a transient population. People move more than they ever did,” said Farley.

Neighbors who stay put and raise kids together, you have a vested interest in keeping the community safe and clean and welcoming. 

If you are connected as neighbors, you’re not just a group of ghosts passing one another as if you don’t exist, you’re friends, you’re colleagues, you’re all in a scenario together,” said Farley.

Farley was quoted in Forbes Magazine a few years ago. In that article, he said, “A city with good manners is where the locals observe the golden rule, where they treat others as they want to be treated themselves. In that type of city, friendly residents serve as unofficial goodwill ambassadors.”

Being a good neighbor is not rocket science. It is a matter of showing up, being kind and civil, and even being very deliberate in forming neighbor relationships.

It starts small, like getting to know someone’s name and then getting facts about them. It’s just not commonplace anymore. 

“I think we have the same opportunity with our neighbors. If you can overcome something that’s making your blood boil and turn it into a civilized, friendly conversation and correct a problem, you’ve made friends for life,” said Farley.

When it comes to meeting your neighbors, Farley says it is essential to take off the headphones and stop walking around looking at a phone. Both of those suggest that you want to be in your bubble and do not want to meet anyone new.

There are some tricks to remembering people’s names. One tool is the neighbor chart available from University of Missouri Extension here.