Good Manners for Meeting Your Neighbors
"Both of those suggest that you want to be in your bubble and do not want to meet anyone new," said Farley.
The second thing is to focus on the easy things to start conversations. There are two things that people love talking about: their pets and their kids.
"The final thing I would say is to make an effort to remember people's names. People love the sound of their name and hearing their name, and if you meet somebody, write their name down," said Farley.
Farley says people also enjoy speaking about themselves. So, you do not have to be a sterling conversationalist to be able to carry a conversation. You need to show some interest and be inquisitive and ask open-ended questions.
"So, as long as you come with an open mind and you're prepared to show genuine interest in that person, you can let them do most of the talking. It's you just asking some fun, insightful questions," said Farley.
"It is nice if there is someone in the community who is responsible for being the welcome wagon. Go over with a basket of muffins and welcome the person to the neighborhood," said Farley. "It's unsettling to move to a new home and a new place and feel like you left maybe a neighborhood that you loved behind, but for whatever reason, you're now in this foreign place, and you feel like you're the outlier."
That is why Farley suggests skipping the door knock and starting with as many interactions as you can outside so that it is not threatening.
"Spend some time out in your front yard. You'll eventually run into your neighbors that way," said Farley.
Timing is also critical. You probably don't want to try and strike up a conversation if somebody's dashing off to work or gets to soccer practice.
"If you can catch people, I would say, especially on the weekends where those of us who are lucky enough to have at least a little bit of a respite, I think those are fine times," said Farley.
DO AND DON'TS
If you are in a neighborhood that is not friendly, consider having a little gathering.
A few months ago, I read a story about how Millennials find doorbells freaky. Even when they’re going to visit their friends, the idea of actually pushing a button to summon somebody who is inside is something they would never do.
Millennials do not understand why you would use a doorbell because you text somebody and say, “Dude, we’re outside.”
“You don’t have to call it a welcome party, but it’s easy to come up with any reason to throw a party. How about an ‘arrival of spring get together’ or an ‘Open house from 12:00 to 5:00 this Sunday’,” said Farley.
As a host, you will get to know people, and they’re going to get to know you.
“That’s probably going to be a little more productive than going on a vacuum cleaner salesman tour, where you’re going from house to … ringing doorbells,” said Farley.
Notecards of fliers can be used as invitations to the party.
“Does that mean everybody’s arriving with hair in place and smiles on their faces and neckties on? No, and that’s fine. I mean, you’re not running for office. You don’t need the entire neighborhood,” said Farley.
If you are getting invited to a party, is it neighborly to take a gift?
“I always like to say you do not arrive in someone’s home empty-handed,” said Farley.
The more personal you can make the gift, the better. But presuming that you know absolutely nothing about the individual, Farley says there are a few ideas that you can’t go wrong with: a box of beautifully-packaged chocolates when you arrive and a thank you note after the event.
“I do recommend people not bring cut flowers. As tempting as that might be, for a host to find a vase and arrange them while guests are arriving can be a little bit difficult. So, if you want to send flowers, I think the nice way to do it is if you send the flowers after the event as a thank you,” said Farley.
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