How to Build Unlikely Friendships


Imagine sitting down to have a meal with a couple opposite of you in worldview, relationships, religious and political viewpoints.

Then imagine the purpose of the dinner is to discuss each other's thoughts and beliefs about the overturning of Roe v. Wade or gun control.

Why does this feel far-fetched in our culture today? 

In a world where friendships are now more frequently ordered around political ideologies, we are encouraged to look for friends in echo chambers. However, echo chambers present a genuine danger.

The person with radically different beliefs who lives in a fundamentally different camp has been created and possesses unmatched dignity and worth. We should not consider them as "less than" or see them as the sum of their opinions. Instead, we should be committed to their well-being. None of that can happen in an echo chamber.

Sometimes our fears sideline us. We fear that people will think we are weird or old-fashioned or won't want anything to do with us. Sometimes we fear negative influences. But we are called to step out of our fears into friendships and conversations.

Here are five steps to help you get off the sideline and build an unlikely friendship.

1. Ask: "Who has been placed around?" Often, you will not need to look much further than your everyday life to identify people around you who believe differently than you do. 

2. Say hello. Introduce yourself. Follow up. Sometimes that first step out of your comfort zone is the hardest. Make it a point to speak when you see them. Be curious about their life. 

3. Look for ways to serve and care for them. When something goes wrong, be the one to help them out. Buy a meal. Write a note. People remember those small acts.

4. Be hospitable. Hospitality provides space to connect, relate, and talk. It permits hard conversations to happen. It often takes one person being the initiator until it becomes reciprocal.

5. Dialogue (not debate). These types of friendships can't be rushed. But, once the relationship is there, how do you navigate a conversation with someone different than you? Dialogue (and looking for areas of agreement) provides space for both parties to talk and share.

It is impossible to understand people different from us if we never get close enough to have deep, personal, and awkward conversations. It is time to get out of our bubbles and build relationships with those around us. Put differences aside and seek out unlikely friendships. 

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Does this article make you interested in taking the Engaged Neighbor pledge? Five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge online at http://engagedneighbor.com.

Contact the blog author, David L. Burton at dburton541@yahoo.com.


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