Study Reveals Making Friends Takes Time


In the first study of its kind, a University of Kansas professor has defined the amount of time necessary to make a friend and how long it typically takes to move through the stages of friendship.

Associate Professor Jeffrey Hall found that it takes roughly 50 hours together to move from mere acquaintances to casual friends. It takes 90 hours to go from that stage to simple "friend" status and more than 200 hours before you can consider someone your close friend.

Time spent hanging out, joking around, playing video games, and similar activities count toward friendships. Hall's study found that work hours do not count as much.

"We have to put that time in," Hall said. "You can't snap your fingers and make a friend."

Hall and a colleague developed an online tool where they guess your friendship closeness based on your answers to a few questions.

Hall said he extrapolated his latest work from previous studies that established that a person's brain can only handle about 150 friendships. "The amount of time and the type of activity shared with a partner is an investment toward long-term belongingness needs," wrote Hall.

In the first part of his study, Hall analyzed 355 responses to an online survey from adults who said they had moved in the last six months and were looking for new friends. Hall asked them to think of someone they had met since moving and how their relationship had proceeded.

In this study, Hall asked the participants to rate their resulting relationships in one of four deepening stages: acquaintance, casual friend, friend, and close friend. Then he estimated the number of hours people began transitioning from one level of friendship to another.

Hall's second study reinforced the conclusions of the first. In it, Hall surveyed 112 KU first-year students who had recently moved to Lawrence. He asked them about two people they had met since starting school two weeks before. Then he followed up with the respondents four and seven weeks later to see how that relationship had progressed.

Combining the results of both studies, he estimated it takes between 40 and 60 hours to form a casual friendship, 80-100 hours to transition to being a friend, and more than 200 hours together to become good friends.

It is not simply a matter of wanting to be friends with someone. They have to want it. And younger people would be wise to invest that time, Hall said. He points to previous studies associating early friendships with happiness later in life.

"You can't make people spend time with you, but you can invite them," Hall said. "Make it a priority to spend time with potential friends."

###

David Burton is a published author (with books on neighboring coming soon). Learn more at https://www.amazon.com/author/davidlburton

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Five Cities Named Most Neighborly in Missouri for 2024

Image
  Photo above: From a block party in Ferguson, Missouri. New to Missouri Good Neighbor Week this year was recognition for the most neighborly cities in the state.  This honor was based on points earned by participating in the week, city campaigns and proclamations, residents making nominations for most engaged neighbor and reporting acts of neighboring, and statewide or local prizes won.  "The goal was to further engage cities with Missouri Good Neighbor Week and we had over 12 pass proclamations and at least 12 that had organized city-wide efforts for Missouri Good Neighbor Week," said David Burton, community development specialist with University of Missouri Extension and creator of Missouri Good Neighbor Week. "We ended the week with over 31,000 documented acts of neighboring and five cities worthy of the title 'most neighborly city' in Missouri." In 2024, five cities were named the most neighborly cities in Missouri: Houston, Excelsior Springs, Sikeston,...
Read more

MU Extension Announces Show Me Neighborhood Art Week June 1-15

Image
  To participate in Show Me Neighborhood Art Week, Missourians  must register here online . The registration deadline for Show Me Neighborhood Art Week is May 24. Preexisting and new public art can be registered, but only new art can be considered for prizes. The location for this event is ALL of Missouri -- your front yard, your neighborhood, and your community. The online state map marking locations around Missouri will be interactive. If you have questions, please see the contact emails at the end of this blog. SPRINGFIELD, MO. -  University of Missouri Extension has announced the launch of a new statewide public art exhibit called Show Me Neighborhood Art Week. This outreach program strives to promote creative expression and public art made by residents, regardless of their skill level, as a contribution to the community's sense of place and residents' sense of belonging. The initiative was inspired by LAWN (Lawn Art With Neighbors), a grassroots program launched in S...
Read more

Missouri's Most Engaged Neighbors Honored as Part of Missouri Good Neighbor Week

Image
  During Missouri Good Neighbor Week 2024, over 120 individuals were nominated as Missouri's Most Engaged Neighbor, and 22 were selected for individual recognition. Our Missouri celebration also got national attention from NextDoor, the social media company, whose leadership team worked with us to create a post that went out nationwide on NextDoor on Sept. 27.  You can access it here . At that point, another 50 nominations poured in from across the state. "The nominations were of really high quality this year," said David Burton, community development specialist with University of Missouri Extension and creator of Missouri Good Neighbor Week. "Every nominee should have received a letter letting them know of the nomination and a memento, a Missouri Good Neighbor Week nominee keychain." The top nominees (22 this year) will receive a check for $100 and an official award certificate. In past years, there have been 50 to 60 nominations. But this year, the window for ...
Read more