Study Reveals Making Friends Takes Time


In the first study of its kind, a University of Kansas professor has defined the amount of time necessary to make a friend and how long it typically takes to move through the stages of friendship.

Associate Professor Jeffrey Hall found that it takes roughly 50 hours together to move from mere acquaintances to casual friends. It takes 90 hours to go from that stage to simple "friend" status and more than 200 hours before you can consider someone your close friend.

Time spent hanging out, joking around, playing video games, and similar activities count toward friendships. Hall's study found that work hours do not count as much.

"We have to put that time in," Hall said. "You can't snap your fingers and make a friend."

Hall and a colleague developed an online tool where they guess your friendship closeness based on your answers to a few questions.

Hall said he extrapolated his latest work from previous studies that established that a person's brain can only handle about 150 friendships. "The amount of time and the type of activity shared with a partner is an investment toward long-term belongingness needs," wrote Hall.

In the first part of his study, Hall analyzed 355 responses to an online survey from adults who said they had moved in the last six months and were looking for new friends. Hall asked them to think of someone they had met since moving and how their relationship had proceeded.

In this study, Hall asked the participants to rate their resulting relationships in one of four deepening stages: acquaintance, casual friend, friend, and close friend. Then he estimated the number of hours people began transitioning from one level of friendship to another.

Hall's second study reinforced the conclusions of the first. In it, Hall surveyed 112 KU first-year students who had recently moved to Lawrence. He asked them about two people they had met since starting school two weeks before. Then he followed up with the respondents four and seven weeks later to see how that relationship had progressed.

Combining the results of both studies, he estimated it takes between 40 and 60 hours to form a casual friendship, 80-100 hours to transition to being a friend, and more than 200 hours together to become good friends.

It is not simply a matter of wanting to be friends with someone. They have to want it. And younger people would be wise to invest that time, Hall said. He points to previous studies associating early friendships with happiness later in life.

"You can't make people spend time with you, but you can invite them," Hall said. "Make it a priority to spend time with potential friends."

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David Burton is a published author (with books on neighboring coming soon). Learn more at https://www.amazon.com/author/davidlburton

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