What do We Want in a Good Neighbor
In this current era for America and Springfield, the cultural narrative is that good neighbors are quiet and leave us alone.
It has not always been that way, but researchers have noticed a change over the past forty years.
Dr. Richard Schwartz, a psychiatrist from Harvard medical school, writes about this trend in a book with Dr. Jacqueline Olds entitled, "The Lonely American."
They observed that in the 1950s, Americans expected interaction, to be welcomed to the neighborhood, to share tools or food, to watch each other's kids, to have someone to watch their home when gone, and someone who would invite them over for dinner.
For most of our history, the neighbor relationship was focused on social interaction.
Then in their 2012 book, they observed that neighbor behavior had become different. They summarize their answer to what Americans expect in a neighbor as "someone who is quiet and leaves them alone."
"Those comments in our book were based on accumulated observations over time rather than a formal study," said Schwartz. "But they are accurate."
Their observation is now supported by a scientific study done with residents of Southwest Missouri.
GOAL OF THIS STUDY
The Greene County MU Extension Council authorized monies in 2022 to conduct southwest Missouri's first "State of Neighboring" survey. The plan is to repeat this study every year or two to chart progress (or regression).
Several past studies and conversations led to the idea of conducting research locally. My interest came from frustration in motivating Springfield area residents to take action.
This fall, I interviewed Dave Runyon, author of "The Art of Neighboring." Many consider Runyon and his co-author Jay Pathak to be fathers of the modern neighboring movement along with John McKnight and Cormac Russell.
I asked Dave my big question. "What is the best way to get people interested in neighboring?" He gave me an answer tied back to America's consumer culture.
"We must explain to people what is in it for them," said Runyon. "The idea of being a good neighbor often gets token lip service among Americans but never rises to the level of being a priority. We have to provide reasons for making it a priority."
Ann Meyer, co-creator of The Neighboring Life website, sees it differently. "I think the truth is that many Americans are intentionally making choices that lead to living an isolated and lonely life," said Meyer. "Online shopping, socializing, and meetings lead to isolation, which is not the best way to live. We call it intentional isolation."
I am convinced the most significant part of our problem is that most Americans already think they are good neighbors because they smile and wave at people around them.
That means the first step toward getting people to become engaged neighbors is to convince them that they are not already good neighbors.
STATE OF NEIGHBORING ANALYSIS
One thing that jumps off the page of our "State of Neighboring" survey for Southwest Missouri is that a majority say a good neighbor is quiet and leaves them alone.
When asked to pick traits of a good neighbor, 70% of respondents said "respects my privacy," and 55% said: "is quiet – does not make excessive noise."
The best news in the study is how that same question is answered by individuals who have taken one of my neighboring classes or received my neighboring newsletter. Among those individuals, we see a shift in what traits make someone a "good neighbor." At the top of their list is "takes care of their property" and "watches out for a neighbor's property."
Other top traits for this group of engaged neighbors are: "Watches out for fellow neighbors' personal safety," "Helps out a neighbor with an unexpected need," "Checks in on elderly neighbors," "Is positive and encouraging in conversation," "Willing to loan a tool or food ingredient when asked" and "Practices good parking etiquette."
In our local study, residents were less likely than the national average (67%) to want to have face-to-face conversations with neighbors (55%). But among engaged neighbors, that type of interaction jumps to 83%.
Other highlights include 57% of respondents (lower than the national study) saying they would attend a neighborhood block party.
At least one favor for an immediate neighbor has been offered in the past 12 months by 72% of survey respondents. A full 56% say they would like to interact with their neighbors beyond just a wave and hello. And 61% find socializing with their neighbors important (although at varied levels).
Several areas need improvement, including making an effort to learn your neighbors' names. Only 34% of respondents know all or most of their neighbors' names. Among the "engaged neighbors" group, that same number jumps to 61%.
One question that merits more research asked whether or not the respondent had hosted a neighbor in their house over the last 12 months. In the national study (done pre-covid), 67% said yes. But in our regional study post-covid, only 36% said yes. And our engaged neighbors were no better, with just 33% agreeing with our statement.
A chart of the raw data from this study is available with this article.
MU Extension is conducting further analysis of our study. Part of that work is comparing local answers to those in the 2016 State Farm neighboring study.
A complete guide sheet from the University of Missouri should be available this summer and posted online at http://extension.missouri.edu.
CONSISTENT WITH OTHER STUDIES
State Farm conducted a national survey with 6,051 U.S. adults looking at traits among neighbors. That survey formed the basis of our questions in southwest Missouri.
That study found that people still value interacting with their neighbors. However, several surprising disconnects emerged.
A sense of community among neighbors is a constant desire across generations, but the survey findings show Millennials may not know precisely how to connect. At the same time, Baby Boomers are generally most satisfied with relationships.
Millennials aren't connecting but want to: 40% wish they were more connected with neighbors but are least likely to have had a face-to-face interaction in the last month.
A dedicated few organize the neighborhood gathering: 58% of neighbors say it's important for neighbors to socialize, but only 16% of men and 11% of women have ever organized a social event.
Welcoming is essential but not happening: The majority (75%) of neighbors say it is important to welcome new neighbors, but only 46% welcomed someone new into the neighborhood.
Everyday helpfulness is valued but not requested: Though indicated as a good neighbor trait, only 37 percent of respondents reported that they were more likely to ask a neighbor for help with a small project than a friend who does not live in their neighborhood.
REPUBLIC CASE STUDY
In future years, when this study is repeated, I will be able to offer a case study on responses from residents of Springfield. But this year, the best community comparison is with Republic, where I surveyed a few of these same questions among residents in 2019.
Comparing the 77 responses from 2019 to the 82 responses received this year shows some improvement in Republic in crucial measurement areas. That is encouraging since I have been writing and speaking about the importance of neighboring in Republic since 2019.
Question: I know the names of the neighbors in _____ of the homes adjacent to my property or apartment. In 2019, 15% said they knew a few, and 41% said one or none. In 2023, the majority answer was "a few," with 25.03% and 27.46% saying one or none.
Question: How important is it for neighbors to get together and socialize? In 2023, "Somewhat important" was marked by 41%, while 33% said it was of little or no importance. In 2019, 66% said it was of little or no importance, and only 22% said it was somewhat important.
Question: I would like to interact with my neighbors beyond a friendly wave hello. Among Republic residents, 62% answered yes in 2023. In 2019, 22% answered yes to that question.
Question: "If my neighborhood had a block party, I would definitely attend." In 2023, 64% of Republic respondents said yes, and 23% were unsure. When asked in 2019, only 38% of Republic residents said they would definitely attend.
In 2019, I received a survey comment from a Republic resident that made a case for getting to know neighbors (from both sides of the fence).
The young lady wrote, "I'm still annoyed that we got code enforcement called on us last summer because our yard was a bit high. We ended up being ticketed for tall grass. Had the neighbor who complained asked, I would have been happy to mention that I couldn't mow because I was pregnant and dealing with complications. My husband was working a second-shift job that left him with very little time to repair our broken mower and use it during the daylight. It has caused me to evaluate how I think about others and relate to my neighbors."
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GOOD AND ENGAGED
Knowing your neighbors helps create a safe, friendly, and clean neighborhood. That protects your single largest investment (your home). But also, neighbors are your first responders. They can help with small needs (think a cup of sugar), and a neighbor might become a friend or provide that social interaction that fends off loneliness.
An engaged neighbor understands the importance of helping when needed, sharing a cup of sugar when asked, and happily lending a solid back or a listening ear.
An engaged neighbor is willing to share a conversation, laugh or tear over a freshly brewed cup of coffee (or tea).
An engaged neighbor finds joy investing in those around them. That means they take the time to learn and use the names of those that live near them.
An engaged neighbor is a giver and performs kind deeds without being prompted.
Engaged neighbors understand they do not have to become your best friend. But they also know a smile, and using names goes a long way toward building a relationship.
An engaged neighbor knows how to be a quiet neighbor. They don't mow their lawn at 7 a.m. and don't honk their horn every time they pull into the driveway.
An engaged neighbor finds excuses to do more front-yard living. They also make themselves available for conversations and connections with neighbors.
An engaged neighbor knows that the opposite of loving their neighbor is not hate, it is apathy. If you want to love your neighbors, start by learning and using their names!
An engaged neighbor invests in the neighborhood, attends homeowners' meetings (if there are any), and is serious about watching and protecting their neighbor's property.
An engaged neighbor is committed to finding neighborhood solutions, not problems. Anyone can complain, but few consider how kindness, forgiveness, and mutual respect can solve most neighborhood and community issues.
An engaged neighbor pushes against America's cultural trend of selfishness and isolation. Instead of always picking self-interests (and thinking of their home as a refuge), an engaged neighbor recognizes that selfishness destroys relationships, health, and community.
An engaged neighbor reaches out to those in the neighborhood that are overlooked, marginalized, disabled, widowed, lonely, or forgotten.
This year more than others, we need to be reminded that engaged neighbors help to create good neighborhoods and vibrant communities that are safe, clean, and friendly.
BECOMING AN ENGAGED NEIGHBOR
Want to change the cultural narrative? Then change what you are doing by getting engaged with your neighbors.
I encourage you to question some of your assumptions about neighbors. Spend time with people in your neighborhood you might not normally choose to spend time with voluntarily.
The genius of this
principle of getting to know your neighbor is that it brings people closer
together and builds trust and opportunities to work together to improve your
community and the state of neighboring in the United States, starting in your
own neighborhood.
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