Want to Decrease Division and Rebuild Community Trust? Find a Third Place Near You

Several years ago, there was a pizza place near my office in Springfield that I decided to visit weekly for lunch and stay to meet people. On most visits, I was the only customer there.

When that business closed, my attempt to discover a regular hangout seemed derailed. At first, I thought it was just me. But it turns out this is an American trend.

The American Community Life Survey reported last year that only 25 percent of people living close to grocery stores, gyms, coffee shops, bowling alleys, and other ideal sites for socializing with strangers actually do socialize there at least once a week.

Meanwhile, 75 percent of Americans ask, "what is a third place?" They often believe that being on social media is the best way to build social connections. (Warning: it is not).

Add to this the trend toward intentional isolation – where we shop on Amazon instead of at a store or use home exercise equipment instead of socializing at a gym – and you have a trend that is bad for our mental health and contributes to division in our democracy.

FINDING A THIRD PLACE

In sociology, a third place refers to the social surroundings separate from the home (first place) and work (second place). Third places could include churches, cafes, clubs, taverns, lodges, libraries, bookstores, VFW halls, parks, barber shops, coffee shops, or senior centers.

Richard Kyte, author of "Why Finding a Third Place is Important to you and America," is director of the DB Reinhardt Institute for Ethics and Leadership at Viterbo University in La Crosse, Wisconsin.

Kyte was a special guest in my Neighboring 101 series in October 2022. (The series is ongoing; you can register online at http://extension.missouri.edu).

According to Kyte, we now have robust research on the importance of third places. He also does surveys in his classes showing 90 percent of college students do not have a third place.

"If you have third places declining in society, what happens over time is that we gradually become more distrustful of one another because we don't have as many interactions based on our shared interest. We tend increasingly to have interactions based on our differences or perceived differences, leading to the kind of polarization we see widespread now," said Kyte. "This reminds us of how important it is to gather in a neighborhood to socialize."

In the Springfield area, several businesses advertise as a neighborhood gathering spot. But creating that atmosphere is more challenging than putting "neighborhood" on a sign.

THIRD PLACE CHARACTERISTICS

The idea of a "third place" was first proposed by Ray Oldenburg in his 1989 book, "The Great Good Place." From his book, we learn that there are characteristics that most third places have in common.

First, they are on neutral ground where anybody can go, and everybody is equal.

The second characteristic is that these places are levelers and are very inclusive. "Third places remove hierarchies. Most workplaces have a hierarchy where some people set the agenda, and there are leaders and followers, but third places are for interaction," said Kyte.

A third characteristic is that they are conducive to conversation. Social interaction becomes  the main point of going to a third place.

Third places must be accessible, which is why many are located in neighborhoods and within walking distance of regulars.

Another characteristic is that a third place will almost always have regulars. Regulars establish the character of the place and are responsible for the mood.

A third place often has a relatively low profile, the atmosphere tends to be playful, and smiling and laughter help to set the tone.

Finally, a third place tends to be a home away from home. "You go to a third place because, in a way, you feel at home, but it's not private in the way home can be," said Kyte.

COFFEE SHOPS AND BOWLING ALLEYS

"A coffee shop is only a third place if regulars meet there and you go often enough to make friends and social connections," said Kyte. "If you go into a coffee shop, but your purpose is to get your favorite coffee and then open up your laptop and work on something for an hour by yourself, that is not a third place for you."

A coffee shop could become a third place if they have people interacting in a way to make new friends. There are coffee shops you walk into where a group of people at a table invites you over. If you would go there three or four mornings, you could start interacting with that group and be a part of that group. Now, that is a third place.

Generally, Americans like to go out to places, but we are not as likely as previous generations to join groups. A third place is like joining a group. You do not have a membership, but you are regularly committing.

"A third place is where you go to make social connections, make them, and then maintain them. This is why third places are declining, because in our society right now, we have fewer people inclined to join," said Kyte.

The argument in Robert Putman's book, "Bowling Alone," is that we have neglected to pay attention to the importance of social capital.

"Social capital is the reservoir of generalized trust that builds up in communities where people are highly engaged with their neighbors and communities. This is very complimentary to third places because the primary place where we develop trust in our fellow citizens, through some civic engagement, is in third places," said Kyte.

Putnam uses the example of bowling alleys and bowling leagues to make this point.

"Bowling alleys were third places because people went there for bowling and socializing," said Kyte. "In the United States, bowling remains popular, but people go for a birthday party or a one-time event. They aren't using the bowling alley to make deeper social connections."

WHY IT MATTERS

Third places, or the lack of them, directly impacts social capital. In turn, social capital affects everything from the local economy and loneliness to public school quality and trust in local government and other institutions.

"Third places are vitally important for the health of our society and the health of individuals, and yet, there are so many obstacles to creating robust social connections that we have to do them intentionally," said Kyte.

While our culture is seeing a significant drop in people having a third place and joining groups that allow them to build social connections, we are also seeing increases in loneliness.

The most significant increases in loneliness are among young adults. That's also the group that is least likely to join organizations.

"Young adults have pretty high volunteering rates, but they do a lot of volunteering for one-off things. Not volunteering with an organization where they have to show up every week and meet people and get to know them," said Kyte.

Young adults are also much less likely to join a church, and at the same time, some churches are dropping Sunday night and Wednesday gatherings. Kyte acknowledges that churches are important for building social connections.

"Our research shows that social connection directly correlates with loneliness," said Kyte. "This is why developing third places where you interact with others regularly is so important. If you don't, the loneliness and the correlated anxiety and depression will drive you into further isolation, which is the worst thing for you and the community."

GET INTENTIONAL: CREATE YOUR OWN THIRD SPACE

Growing up, my parents regularly gathered with neighbors to play cards. The church was hosting events, and there were events at the school. It was hard to escape it.

Now, you have to be intentional. You have to go out and say, "We're going to exercise weekly together, and we're going to do it in this place together." Or you have to plan a set time for weekly coffee before work. You have to create a group and commit yourself to it.

That process is helped along if you can find an already active third place. Maybe a spot like the Neighborhood Pizza Café on North Glenstone. Owner Larry Grace says the name of his café reflects his goal and the current reality.

"I have always wanted a place like 'Cheers' Where everybody knows your name. I try to instill that spirit in my new hires," said Grace. "We have plenty of regular customers and try to make a game by remembering their name and order."

That connection keeps many customers coming back. It can do the same for other businesses and even entire towns.

If you have a third place, I would love to hear from you. But if not, I would encourage you to create one for your neighbors and the benefit of our democracy.

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Does this article make you interested in taking the Engaged Neighbor pledge? Five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge online at http://engagedneighbor.com.

Contact the blog author, David L. Burton at dburton541@yahoo.com.