MYTH: Good fences make good neighbors

 

"Good fences make good neighbors" is a quote that is often misused. 

The phrase is normally used to justify building a fence and keeping neighbors at arm's length. But that was not the author’s recommendation. 

In Robert Frost’s 1914 poem, “Mending Wall,” the writer describes two neighbors working together to repair a fallen stone fence separating their properties. 

One neighbor is keen to rebuild and repair the gap in the wall, while the other fails to see why it is needed in the first place. Of this, he writes:

There where it is w,e do not need the wall:

He is all pine and I am apple orchard.

My apple trees will never get across

And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him.

The neighbor’s repeated response is, "Good fences make good neighbors.” 

The author intends the statement to be an indictment against our culture’s collective failure to be hospitable and neighborly, where we only share a commitment to not sharing anything.

Frost’s poem is a metaphor for the walls we build that keep people out and keeps people apart. Walls that keep us from being hospitable. Social media has exacerbated the problem but isn’t the root cause. 

The real problem lies with us and our failure to be good neighbors. 

Instead of developing relationships, we build a fence so we never have to see the neighbors. Then we build a wall around our time and activities and our hearts. We build a fortress of solitude! (But since we are not Superman, this will fail because we need social connections).

Granted, cattle need fences to stay in their field and dogs often need fences to stay in their yard. Fences can be a necessity in agriculture. 

But fences do not help create healthy neighbor relationships.

We are now learning that positive and healthy neighbor relationships lead to strong neighborhoods. 

And strong neighborhoods foster diverse relationships, connect residents with opportunities, promote human capital, and support children's growth. If we can strengthen America's neighborhoods, we can improve people's well-being and access to the "American dream." 

This week, why not remove the metaphoric fence from around your heart and home?

Let me encourage you: invite someone over this weekend. Prepare a big meal. Use good dishes. Wear something nicer than a T-shirt. Go the extra mile! As you gather, do so with a deep desire to share your lives with others. 

You’ll be amazed at what can happen if you let people in, not only to your homes, but your hearts as well.

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Does this article make you interested in taking the Engaged Neighbor pledge? Five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge online at http://engagedneighbor.com.

Contact the blog author, David L. Burton at dburton541@yahoo.com.