Being a Neighbor in the Midst of Tragedy
Peter Lovenheim writes in his book, "In the Neighborhood," about a tragedy that struck his suburban neighborhood and inspired his book.
There was a family down the street from him with two children. Both parents were physicians. One evening, the husband came home, shot and killed his wife, and then killed himself. The kids ran screaming into the night. Soon after, the kids moved to another part of town to live with their grandparents.
"In effect, this family who had lived on my street for seven years effectively had vanished overnight," said Lovenheim during a Neighboring 101 class I hosted with him in 2023.
"Besides absorbing the tragedy of it, I was struck by how little this calamity actually affected the neighborhood," said Lovenheim. "I didn't know them beyond a wave. And asking around, I found nobody else in the neighborhood knew this family well. I also learned that nobody actually knew each other well,. I asked myself, "Do I live in an actual neighborhood or just on a street surrounded by people whose lives are entirely separate from my own?"
APPLICATION FOR ME
Loving a neighbor leaves the door open to being present when tragedy strikes, and families try to pick up the pieces.
I have had glimpses of that in my neighborhood over several years. A neighbor who lost her husband in a car accident. A family that was impacted by a fire. And neighbors impacted by health concerns and medical diagnoses. Each situation has given us an opportunity to love on them, be available to listen, and offer prayers and support not just a few days after the tragedy but for weeks and months later, too.
But the most difficult tragedy was the death of a child on our street.
Yes, the situation was tragic. But it reminded me of the importance of investing in my neighbor's lives while things are going well. If I had not already had a relationship with the family, it might have been days before I had heard or had a chance to help.
A REASON TO BUILD RELATIONSHIPS
I heard about this tragedy firsthand because of my relationship with my neighbor. I was called by the family and asked for help.
The importance of having a relationship in place cannot be overstated. And the difference between that and what Peter Lovenheim experienced on his street cannot be overstated.
In my opinion, there are two key ways that tragedy reminds me of why building these neighbor relationships in advance is important.
First, responding to a tragedy or challenge for your neighbor and offering help is the essence of loving your neighbor. If that relationship does not already exist, your neighbor will likely never ask. And for those who say they do not want to get involved with a neighbor's mess and problems, what you are really saying is you do not want to love that neighbor.
But a second reason to build those neighbor relationships is that I may face a tragedy myself someday, and if I do, I do not want to face it alone. Having neighbors that I know I can ask for help is vital.
Want to love your neighbor?
Start now in building a relationship so that when challenges come, you can respond and minister to them, or they can help you. Both are acts of love and help make your street feel like a neighborhood.
And for those facing tragedy, remember:
There's an anchorIn the rage of the stormWhen the walls are closin' inIn the darkness all aloneJust prayin' for the daylightPeace for the soulThere is grace for the mornin'When you feel like letting goThere's an anchorThere's an anchor
- Dave Crowder, lyrics, "The Anchor"
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Does this article make you interested in taking the Engaged Neighbor pledge? Five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge online at http://engagedneighbor.com.
Contact the blog author, David L. Burton at dburton541@yahoo.com.
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