The Mister Roger’s Effect: Emphasizes Seven Secrets Including Importance of Pausing and Reflecting

Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley, an professor of psychology and counseling at both Liberty and Regent University, is the author of, “The Mister Rogers Effect: 7 Secrets to Bringing Out the Best in Yourself and Others from America’s Beloved Neighbor.” The book looks at seven psychological principles that hallmarked the life of Mister Rogers and how people can apply those principles today.

She will be my guest during Neighboring 101 on March 14, or you can enroll in the class anytime and see the class recording. Enroll in Neighboring 101 online here.

The skills the book emphasizes include listening before speaking, validating the feelings of others, taking the time to pause and think, showing gratitude toward others, developing empathy for others, practicing acceptance, and establishing security.

While writing the book, Kuhnley noted how Mister Rogers's kind and humble spirit could turn strangers into neighbors, and “he was looking below the surface…,” something Kuhnley believes we could each benefit from when connecting with another person.

One of the central premises of The Mister Rogers Effect is the component of understanding and hearing another person to move past the superficial to a true knowing. “Being heard feels so similar to being loved,” Kuhnley writes in the book.

“Mr. Rogers believed that love…was at the root of everything. Love, or a lack there of, and listening is where love begins. There are simple things we can do to become better listeners. We can use those active listening skills, paraphrase, [and] we can listen to what our conversation partner is saying, not to respond like we often do…but to listen to seek to really understand…,” Kuhnley emphasized.

Another dynamic that Kuhnley focuses on in her book is preserving white space through pausing and reflecting. She points out: “If we can’t still our thoughts, and we can’t still the noise internally within us, how can we hear that still-small voice inside that’s leading and guiding us?”

The last key feature Kuhnley discussed is the distinction between empathy and sympathy. She defines empathy as feeling along with a person, instead of for a person. She believes that if people spent their time in honest compassion for one another, we would have the chance to be more connected and make a real change in the world, just like Mister Rogers.

Kuhnley is a licensed professional counselor who has studied the specific areas of adult attachment and God attachment. She has been distinguished with the CAPS Outstanding Graduate Award through Regent and was the first-place recipient of Liberty University’s Chancellor’s Award for Teaching Excellence. The Mister Rogers Effect is the ninth book that she has worked on. 

After showing her college class a video of Fred Rogers addressing Senator Pastore as to why public television was valuable, needed funding, and more importantly to lead the senator into a very poignant moment of understanding why children need to know how to address their anger, Kuhnley was confronted with extremely emotional students. The comments she received led her to believe there was still great wisdom Fred Rogers could impart to parents, grandparents, siblings, educators, or anyone else to remind us we can administer hope to others by deeply caring for each other. 

But how did Mr. Rogers do this and how can we do this today?

Kuhnley identified seven secrets she feels Mr. Rogers used in virtually every interaction he had with people that can bring out the best in ourselves and in others. These seven secrets may seem intuitive, but as I think about each one, I wonder how much I actually practice these secrets in my daily life. Secrets such as “Listen First” and “Show Gratitude” are things I think I usually have a handle on. But then Kuhnley points out “Pause and Think”, “Develop Empathy”, “Practice Acceptance” and “Establish Security.”

The book has a little something for everyone, making it worth your time to read.

MORE INFORMATION

Does this article make you interested in taking the Engaged Neighbor pledge? Five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge online at http://engagedneighbor.com.

Contact the blog author, David L. Burton at dburton541@yahoo.com.