Online Communication is Relatively Young, and Broken; What Can We Do to Improve Online Communication Trends?



Have you noticed how online communication in comment sections of social media posts often slide into insults and arguing?

Don’t believe me? Try this on a Republic Facebook page: post about the benefits of round-abouts, say our water and sewer rates are reasonable, or explain how sales taxes are fair and needed, and then watch the arguments break loss in the comments section.

It is a sign that our relationships and our ability to communicate, especially online, is broken. It is also a sign that people still think they can "win" an online argument. News flash: you cannot and that should not be the goal. 

When it comes to communication, our goal should be to understand and be understood rather than to win an argument. This is according to Charlies Duhigg, author of "Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection."

Humans have been speaking and writing to each other for thousands of years. We've developed norms and behaviors (tone and certain polite phrases) that make communication easier.

In contrast, we've only been communicating online since 1983.

The norms and behaviors for talking over the Internet are still young. One of the biggest problems with online discussions is they lack the information usually provided by our voices and our bodies, gestures, and expressions we bring to our speech. Even when we write letters, we tend to include nuances that come from thinking about what we want to say.

Online communication tends to be fast and unthinking, unedited and without any of the clues that our voices provide.

There are four things that studies show make online conversations better.

One, when talking online, over-emphasize politeness. Studies have shown that online tensions are lessened if at least one person is consistently polite. Just try adding please and thank you.

Two, under-emphasize sarcasm. When we say something in a wry tone, it signals an irony our audience understands. When we type something sarcastic online, we typically hear those same inflections in our heads, but the people reading our comments do not.

Three, express more gratitude, deference, greetings, apologies, and hedges. Studies demonstrate that when we are grateful or apologize in advance, online communication gets better.

Four, avoid criticism in public forums. Researchers found that giving negative feedback online backfires much more than in real life. When we criticize others publicly online, we make bad behavior into a digital norm.

All of these are also useful tactics when we're speaking face-to-face. But online, a bit more care and thought can yield outsized rewards.


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Does this article make you interested in taking the Engaged Neighbor pledge? Five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge online at http://engagedneighbor.com.

Contact the blog author, David L. Burton at dburton541@yahoo.com.

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