Neighboring: What is in it for me?

 

Americans are a consumer culture. So when it comes to neighboring, people ask: "what is in it for me?"

For some, it is the idea of improved health. Many studies demonstrate the importance of social interaction and its positive impacts on health. Robert Putman says joining one club reduces or chance of dying by 50 percent.

For some, their motivation is that they are tired of being lonely and isolated. We have a growing epidemic of loneliness in this nation, and the answers may be right next door! Interaction with people, face to face, at club meetings.

Other people embrace this idea because they understand that they can positively impact their neighborhood, which can then impact their community. Starting ultra-local is much more effective. Subdivisions where neighboring is done well see lower crime rates, improved resale values and help for neighbors that need it. I think neighborhoods can take the place of clubs in many areas, at least in terms of building social capital.

And some people do their part because they have a calling to love their neighbor. They understand their neighbors to be their immediate neighbors where relationships can take root. The opposite of love is apathy!

Research shows that knowing your neighbors is actually a prevention step for future problems. (See my interview with the author of Neighbors from Hell).

Being connected with neighbors also builds your social capital. That will also typically increase your civic participation, increase your happiness and help to create a sense of belonging. 

Perhaps those arguments are compelling enough for you to take action. In most cases, I imagine that they are not and here is why: selfishness.

The very reason we have to answer "what is in it for me," is also the very trait that keeps us from thinking of others: selfishness.

The behavior that keeps us focused on our own problems, our own schedule, our own plans and our fun is the same behavior that keeps us from ever inviting neighbors over: selfishness.

We end up blaming the lack of front porches, or too many yard fences, or even computers and home air conditioning for not getting outside and connecting with our neighbors. But the truth is those are simply things that make it easier for us to be selfish with our time.

Does that sound harsh?

I am not alone in this evaluation.

“We introverts miss out on great blessings when we excuse ourselves from practicing hospitality because it exhausts us. I often find people exhausting. But over the years I have learned how to pace myself, how to prepare for the private time necessary to recharge, and how to grow in discomfort. Knowing your personality and your sensitivities does not excuse you. It means that you need to prepare for it differently than others might.”

— Rosaria Champagne Butterfield

"We have many excuses for not getting to know our neighbors and building a relationship with them.  We categorize these excuses in different ways but honestly all of the excuses come down to one thing: selfishness. We focus our time and our life on ourselves."

— Rosaria Champagne Butterfield

So what is really in it for me? 

Answer: an improved you! 

Make yourself into someone who cares for others and has civic pride and strives to build relationships because you know it improves your health, reduces crime and problems around you, reduces loneliness in those living around you, and makes your city a better place to live!