Learning from Failure in the Neighborhood and Life

 

Author and leadership coach John C. Maxwell once said, “Fail early, fail often, but always fail forward.”

If you look back and see areas where you fell short, take time to consider the lessons learned and how to use that experience to move forward. While failure can be humbling and painful, it often paves the path to success. 

My Failures

In 1976, when I was in fifth grade, I went with my dad to a store in Springfield to buy fishing lures and bait. A local kid named Johnny Morris had started selling fishing supplies in the back of his dad’s liquor store in 1972.

I remember being shocked by the cost of earthworms. 

Inspired, I decided to start a worm farm. I built a raised bed, collected coffee grounds from my grandma, and painted signs for our yard that read “Worms for Sale.”

But there was a problem. When I had my first customer, I could not find any worms. My grandpa (the first customer) summed it up perfectly: “You need to practice raising worms before you advertise.”

I abandoned the worm farm and left the bait business to Johnny Morris, who went on to do pretty well. 

Even though my worm farm failed, I didn’t quit. With help from my grandpa and University of Missouri Extension’s guide sheets on growing pumpkins and controlling squash bugs, I planted several pumpkin mounds. That fall, I had a successful pumpkin business, which continued for three years.

This time, I did my research before advertising.

These experiences taught me important lessons about failure that also apply to connecting with others and staying active in your community.

Every neighborhood needs leaders who do their best to connect neighbors. Perfection isn’t the goal, which is good for me because my own neighborhood failures have taught me some valuable lessons.

LESSON 1: Always Be Learning

Life offers constant opportunities to learn, unlearn, and relearn. I’ve planned neighborhood gatherings where nobody attended and other events with no volunteers attending.

Sometimes, big problems arise, and we face adversity. Maybe an argument breaks out in the neighborhood, or you have to deal with a difficult neighbor. In everything we do, we test, fail, learn, improve, and start over again.

People rarely say they learned their greatest lessons during the good times. It’s usually in moments of adversity that we learn the most.

LESSON 2: Talk About Failures

As individuals, we often feel ashamed of failure. Maybe it’s because it makes us feel like we’ve done something wrong.

But if you shift your perspective and view failure not as something to be ashamed of but as something valuable, you can start to see that failure is how we really learn to succeed.

I think there are two main reasons we avoid talking about our failures.

First is the “performance review trap.” Let’s face it: we are paid to succeed, not to fail. During evaluations, we are reminded that success brings rewards, while failure leads to penalties. As a result, we quickly forget our failures.

Second, we have created a culture of perfectionism, especially in school. Unfortunately, the more we focus on perfection, the less tolerant we become of mistakes.

The real danger is not accepting that we will make mistakes. If you don’t learn from them, you have wasted the opportunity.

That is why I believe we need to talk about failure more.

LESSON 3: It Can Take Time to Recognize Failure

Some mistakes take years to show up. 

When my wife and I moved into our home 20 years ago, I planted four redbud trees in our backyard. They looked great—except I planted them directly under a power line. Now, the branches are brushing against the wires, and I’m waiting for the power company to call. 

It took years for me to realize I made the wrong choice.

Another example comes from my neighborhood. For 15 years, I thought I was being a good neighbor simply by waving at people around me. But I never invested the time to really connect with them and build relationships.

It turns out, apathy isn’t the same as love. You have to truly connect to say you love your neighbor. 

LESSON 4: Assuming Leads to Failure

Last summer, I experienced a public setback in the city of Republic. The city council decided not to renew a consulting contract with the University of Missouri Extension after one year. This contract allowed me to work with a staff committee on a community engagement project focused on neighboring.

I really wanted to help my local community through this effort. But in my excitement, I didn’t ask enough questions. After a few planning meetings, I thought I understood the city staff’s goals for the project. Unfortunately, I didn’t, and neither did the staff committee or the city council.

As a result, we missed an opportunity. However, neighboring is more than just a contract to me. That’s why I’m excited to see other individuals and groups stepping up to lead various neighboring initiatives in Republic during 2025.

A GOOD PLACE TO START

In my own neighborhood, I’ve had failures with my neighbors. I’ve said things I regret. I’ve tried to fix situations when I should have listened more and shown empathy. I’ve started projects alone, like a kids’ Fourth of July parade, thinking volunteers would appear. They didn’t.

Decades ago I was an enforcer in a homeowners association, focusing on rules instead of people. Once, I even bought a ping pong table with plans for a men’s league, but it never happened because no one joined.

What I’ve learned can be summed up simply: If you do something alone, you may go fast, but you won’t go far. Build partnerships before starting projects. Discover people’s gifts and interests, and engage with them.

Friends and neighbors won’t come to you. Turn off the TV, put down your phone, and step outside. Have conversations, meet new people, and help others connect. 

I promise that you will learn valuable lessons from their experiences. Just remember Henry Ford’s wise words: “The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.”

SIDEBAR

Our neighborhoods and neighborhood associations need leaders who understand that failure can be a powerful teacher. Here are some important reminders:

1. Failure teaches us about ourselves and builds character more effectively than success.

2. It sharpens problem-solving skills and reveals new opportunities.

3. It highlights strengths and weaknesses, motivating us to improve.

4. Facing failure requires courage, resilience, and determination.

5. The most successful people persevere despite setbacks.

6. Commitment and persistence are essential for long-term success.

7. Start small, learn from mistakes, and keep moving forward.

By embracing failure, we can grow as leaders and neighbors, making our communities stronger and more connected.

Written by David L. Burton

MORE INFORMATION

Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via emal at dburton541@yahoo.com.