Great Lessons from "The Art of Gathering" to Improve Your Hospitality

 

“The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters” by Priya Parker is a thought-provoking book that explores the significance of how we come together, whether it’s for social events, work meetings, or family get-togethers. Parker emphasizes that the way we gather often falls short of creating meaningful experiences, and she offers insights on how to transform ordinary gatherings into intentional, impactful events.

 

Key Points of the Book:

1. Purpose Over Format:

One of Parker’s main arguments is that the purpose of a gathering should always drive its format. Rather than defaulting to traditional settings or structures (like dinner parties or conferences), we should ask ourselves: What is the goal of this gathering? Whether it’s fostering connection, sparking creativity, or providing clarity, the design of the gathering should reflect this intent.

2. Designing Meaningful Experiences:

Parker stresses the importance of intentionality in designing gatherings. It’s not enough to simply bring people together, there should be a deliberate plan to facilitate meaningful interactions. She discusses aspects like guest selection, space arrangement, and the flow of activities, all of which contribute to the gathering’s success.

3. Conflict and Tension as Catalysts for Connection:

Contrary to the common tendency to avoid discomfort, Parker advocates for introducing controlled conflict or tension in gatherings as a way to push people out of their comfort zones and stimulate deeper conversations. She believes this creates authentic connections that go beyond surface-level interactions.

4. The Role of the Host:

A significant portion of the book focuses on the responsibilities of the host. Parker argues that the host should not be a passive organizer but an active participant in shaping the gathering. Hosts must set the tone, create boundaries, and sometimes even intervene to guide the interaction in productive ways.

5. Leaving With a Sense of Completion:

Parker advises that gatherings should always have a sense of closure. A defined ending point, whether through a speech, a ritual, or a moment of reflection, helps attendees leave with a sense of fulfillment and connection. Without this closure, gatherings can feel unresolved or dissipated.

 

REVIEW

 

"The Art of Gathering" is a compelling and insightful exploration of a topic most of us take for granted. It’s an incredibly practical book, filled with real-world examples from everything from business meetings to weddings. Parker’s writing is clear and engaging, offering a mix of advice, storytelling, and research that feels both refreshing and accessible.

 

The book’s strength lies in how it challenges conventional wisdom about social gatherings. Rather than prescribing a one-size-fits-all solution, Parker encourages readers to rethink the purpose and structure of every meeting or event, ultimately aiming to foster connection and meaning. The author’s advice is not just theoretical; it’s grounded in real-life application, making it easy to see how to incorporate her suggestions into various contexts.

 

However, for readers who are simply looking for easy tips for hosting parties, the book might feel a bit too academic in parts. It focuses more on the why and how of gathering, rather than giving step-by-step recipes for successful events. But for anyone interested in creating gatherings that have depth and purpose, this book is an invaluable resource.

In conclusion, “The Art of Gathering” is a must-read for anyone who values the power of connection, whether in a personal or professional setting. Parker’s approach encourages us to move beyond the casual, default ways we typically come together and instead create spaces that invite true engagement and meaningful conversation.

Video With Author

This is from 2019. Author Priya Parker and Vox Media’s Melissa Bell host a unique presentation to celebrate the launch of Parker’s new book “The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters.”  See the video here.

Favorite Quotes from the Book

“Your opening needs to be a kind of pleasant shock therapy. It should grab people. And in grabbing them, it should both awe the guests and honor them. It must plant in them the paradoxical feeling of being totally welcomed and deeply grateful to be there.” ― Priya Parker

“Reverse engineer an outcome: Think of what you want to be different because you gathered, and work backward from that outcome.” ― Priya Parker

“Before you gather, ask yourself: Why is this gathering different from all my other gatherings? Why is it different from other people’s gatherings of the same general type? What is this that other gatherings aren’t” ― Priya Parker

“People have to take chances in order to do something extraordinary.” ― Priya Parker

“But exercising your authority once and early on in a gathering is as effective as exercising your body once and early on in your life. It isn’t enough just to set a purpose, direction, and ground rules. All these things require enforcement. And if you don’t enforce them, others will step in and enforce their own purposes, directions, and ground rules.” ― Priya Parker

“Do no just read a bio for an introduction. Tie the speaker to the purpose of the event and use some adjectives to describe their work and why it is relevant to your event.” – Priya Parker

“But here is what the skilled gatherer must know: in trying not to offend, you fail to protect the gathering itself and the people in it.” ― Priya Parker

“The more specific the meetup, the more likelihood for success.” ― Priya Parker

“When we don’t examine the deeper assumptions behind why we gather, we end up skipping too quickly to replicating old, staid formats of gathering.” ― Priya Parker

“Why are you having a neighborhood potluck? Because we like potlucks, and we have one every year. Why do you have one every year? Because we like to get our neighbors together at the beginning of the summer. Why do you like to get your neighbors together at the beginning of the summer? I guess, if you really think about it, it’s a way of marking the time and reconnecting after the hectic school year. Aha. And why is that important? Because when we have more time in the summer to be together, it’s when we remember what community is, and it helps us forge the bonds that make this a great place to live. Aha. And safer. Aha. And a place that embodies the values we want our children to grow up with, like that strangers aren’t scary. Aha. Now we’re getting somewhere.” ― Priya Parker

Written by David L. Burton

MORE INFORMATION

Take the Engaged Neighbor pledge and become part of a movement! The pledge outlines five categories and 20 principles to guide you toward becoming an engaged neighbor. Sign the pledge at https://nomoregoodneighbors.com. Individuals who take the pledge do get special invitations to future events online and in person. Contact the blog author, David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.com or visit his website at http://engagedneighbor.com.