Coffee, Conversation and the Simple Secret to Building Community

What if building a stronger neighborhood didn’t require a grant, a committee, a strategic plan or even a big event? What if it just required some coffee and a place to sit?

That is the encouraging lesson behind a neighborhood gathering in Moorhead, Minnesota, recently featured by InForum. The basic concept is remarkably simple: create an opportunity for neighbors to gather, have a cup of coffee and talk.

And then do it again.

That last part may be the real secret.

We sometimes make community building much more complicated than it needs to be. We think we need an elaborate block party, entertainment, activities for children, catered food and dozens of people in attendance before an event can be considered successful.

But relationships rarely develop because of elaborate programming. They develop because people spend time together.

Start With Something Simple

Coffee works because nearly everyone understands the invitation.

“Come have coffee with your neighbors” feels different from “Attend our neighborhood meeting.”

One sounds relational. The other sounds like there might be an agenda.

And it doesn't actually have to be coffee. It could be lemonade on a driveway, donuts on Saturday morning, popsicles in the park or homemade ice cream on a summer evening.

The refreshments are simply the excuse. Conversation is the real event.

Consistency Matters More Than Attendance

One of the biggest mistakes we make with neighborhood gatherings is judging success by the number of people who attend.

Imagine you invite 40 households and six people come. Was it a failure? Absolutely not.

Those six people may have conversations they have never had before. Two neighbors might discover a shared interest. Someone might meet the person who lives three houses away for the first time. A newcomer might finally feel like they belong.

Community isn't created by attendance totals. It is created one relationship at a time.

The important thing is to keep gathering.

When neighbors learn that something happens regularly, participation becomes easier. They know another opportunity is coming. Eventually, the gathering becomes part of the culture of the neighborhood.

Don't Over Program It

Another lesson is the importance of leaving room for conversation.

We have become accustomed to filling gatherings with activities, presentations and announcements. But if the goal is stronger relationships, sometimes the best agenda is no agenda.

Put out some chairs, make coffee, welcome people, introduce neighbors who don't know each other. Then get out of the way.

Silence doesn't have to be feared, and conversation doesn't have to be controlled.

People are remarkably good at discovering things they have in common when we give them enough time to talk.

Personally Invite People

A social media post or neighborhood app announcement can spread the word, but neither replaces a personal invitation.

Knock on a door. Say, “We're having coffee Saturday morning. I'd really enjoy having you join us.”

Personal invitations communicate something an online announcement cannot: I noticed you, and I want you there.

That is a powerful message in a culture where many people feel increasingly invisible.

Keep the Barrier to Participation Low

Successful neighborhood gatherings should be easy to attend.

Don't require people to bring anything. Don't make them RSVP. Don't make newcomers feel awkward because everyone else already knows each other.

Let people stay for ten minutes or two hours.

And don't worry about having the perfect location. A driveway, garage, front porch, apartment common area, neighborhood park or someone's front yard can become a gathering place.

The goal isn't impressive hospitality. The goal is connection.

Measure Success Differently

After a neighborhood gathering, don't ask only, “How many people came?”

Ask better questions. Did someone meet a neighbor they didn't know? Did two people exchange phone numbers? Did someone learn the name of the person across the street? Did someone who normally feels isolated spend an hour talking and laughing with other people?

Those are the measurements that matter.

The Secret Is Repetition

One gathering probably won't transform a neighborhood.

But one gathering can create a conversation. A conversation can create familiarity. Familiarity can create trust. Trust can create relationships.

And relationships can eventually create a neighborhood where people notice when someone needs help, welcome newcomers, share resources, celebrate together and look out for one another.

That's why the Moorhead example is worth considering.

You don't need to wait for someone else to organize community where you live. You don't need a title or permission.

Pick a Saturday. Put on a pot of coffee. Set out a few chairs. Invite some neighbors.

If five people come, enjoy those five people.

Then do it again.

Because sometimes building community really can begin with something as simple as a cup of coffee and a conversation.

Read the news story that inspired this blog post.

WRITTEN BY

David L. Burton

For more information, visit the Engaged Neighbor website. Take our pledge and become part of a movement! Or subscribe to our newsletter. Access some of the research documents written by David Burton, the author of this blog. Or better yet, purchase one of his books off Amazon. Contact David L. Burton via email at dburton541@yahoo.